I Am Alive

I heard the song “I Refuse” by Josh Wilson on the radio this morning and it’s still playing in my head so I thought I’d share. (Click below so it will get stuck in yours too! 🙂 )

I have been praying for my joy back and God is answering in ways I never expected. I have also been praying for direction in ways to serve, give, and volunteer. Sponsoring a child has been on my mind for quite a while. When you ask God for something and he gives you a clear answer, do it. That constant little voice in the back of your mind is steering you in the right direction. So I started sponsoring a child through Compassion recently. The process has barely begun but I already feel SO MUCH joy from doing this.

I will be blogging for Compassion in the near future and sharing here as well. What are some ways God has been moving in your life and in what ways have you responded by giving back? If you would like to share…please do so in the comments below. Thanks so much for following me along on this journey! 🙂

“I could choose not to move but I refuse…”

Blessings,

Stacey ~ iamalive

 

I read Genesis 18-19 this morning. You know, just some light reading about Sodom and Gomorrah??? My goodness.

“Sin is a violation of the very character of God, and because He is just, He must take action against it.” (From Foundations 260 reading plan).

None of us is free from sin. We are ALL sinners. Temptation is all around us every single day. Last night I was looking at movie trailers online and I stumbled upon one that is opening soon. I am not going to tell the name or the premise but my reaction when I saw it was to be drawn into the story…however it was about a sinful relationship. I won’t be seeing that movie.

Have you ever done something SO sinful that you literally held your head in shame? I know I have. We know something is wrong but it feels so good while we are doing it.

When we purposely put ourselves in sinful situations we are letting God down. Just because it FEELS good and everyone else is doing it doesn’t mean it is okay for me to do it. Jesus walked with sinners but He was connected to God at all times. He was living in the world but not of the world. That is the goal of this journey…to become more like Jesus by taking notes and following his lead.

Since I began this journey I’ve realized my selfish desires to live IN the world is what has held me back from living the life God intended for me. A specific example for me is my past relationships with men. MOST of the men I have dated in the past expected sex early and I obliged pretty much every time. I thought if I gave them my body they would love me.

At 45 years old and single I FINALLY understand that sex is not love. Giving your body to another human being who doesn’t even respect themselves is not a relationship. I have had more restraint in the last five years than I have had since I lost my virginity at a young age. I wish I could go back in time and know what I know now and respect myself…living in the world but not of the world. But I am thankful I did finally become aware. My life was out of control. But finally I woke up.

This shift begins to happen when you are consciously aware that God is in all things. When you become aware (as Jesus was) it is easier to not do what everyone else is doing. You have a purpose beyond gratification of the flesh. You are a human being and you will fall backwards sometimes but your life begins to have more meaning. You respect yourself more. You are aware that you belong to God now, but you slowly figure out how to live in a world that doesn’t. You are IN the world but not OF the world because you now see that God is in all things. And it all points back to faith. Without it, it is impossible to please Him.

Hebrews 11:6 Now without faith it is impossible to please God, since the one who draws near to him must believe that he exists and that he who rewards those who seek him.

Just sharing my thoughts and what I am learning. Thankful for open eyes and for God’s mercy and grace. #sinnersaved

Blessings,

Stacey ~ iamalive

Thankful for days of rest.

Blessings,

Stacey ~ iamalive

 

I spent this holiday with my dad at the nursing home. It was a quiet day. He slept a lot and we watched a couple of Christmas movies on the Hallmark Channel. I cleaned out his closet and his dresser and I decorated his Christmas tree while he was asleep. We ate a delicious turkey dinner for lunch in the dining room with the other residents. And we even played around on SnapChat for a bit. It was a good day.

It was a good day but it looked nothing like the Thanksgivings I remember from the past. Thanksgiving has always been my favorite holiday and always will be mainly because of the good food! Turkey, dressing, green bean casserole, and pumpkin pie all just taste better on the fourth Thursday in November than any other time of the year for reasons I don’t even understand. More importantly it’s always been my favorite holiday because it is a day devoted to just enjoying the company of loved ones. But the last 14 years have been different for me.

Since my mom has been gone this day has changed from a day of a dozen people sitting around a gigantic oak table having to stand up to pass the food because the table was so big to a day where I just show up and the wonderful ladies who cook at the nursing home set plates of amazing food in front of my dad and me. I don’t have to cook. I don’t have to clean up. All I have to do is show up and eat and enjoy my dad’s company. Yes, it is different and not how I wish things were but we’ve adjusted as life has changed.

Thank you to my friends who invited me to your family get togethers. 🙂 I love you all and I will take you up on it one day I am sure. For now I am just thankful for one more year with my dad…even though it’s not the same. When you are young, you think things will stay the same forever. You can’t even comprehend things being different. But divorce happens. People die. People move away. People stop talking. Things happen that you can’t even prepare for because you have no idea what the future holds.

Trust that God does though and enjoy every moment of the right now…because the right now is what we need to be thankful for most.

Blessings,

Stacey ~ iamalive

 

 

My friend Lisa invited me to the Lifeway Women’s Forum 2017 in Nashville a few weeks ago. She sent me a message a couple of months prior and said that God told her to invite me. We have been friends through social media since 2014 when I first shared her blog here but we had not yet met in person. She said she was hesitant to ask because she thought I might think it was weird. But when she did my immediate thought was YES!

I had been praying for something to get me out of my funk. I didn’t know it was going to be a conference when I prayed, but God answered. He answered even before I asked.

I have been dealing with depression this year y’all. I am sure you already know that if you’ve been following me for a while. I take medicine and it helps to an extent but the depression I have been feeling is caused by a void that only God can fill. I allowed distractions to muddy up my mindset and in turn I had become spiritually weak. Sometimes I wondered, “Is this it?” Is this what my life is going to feel like forever?

Lisa and I attended a class at the conference led by Robin Marsh of KWTV-9 in Oklahoma City. (She is amazing by the way). She talked about witnessing in the marketplace (which is my thing), but she also talked about the importance of learning to respond emotionally in our intimate relationships. She asked us to turn to our neighbor (a stranger) and practice our responses for a couple of minutes.

Being the introvert that I am, the idea of self disclosing to a complete stranger created immediate panic. But I turned to my neighbor. She was a bit older…I thought to be in her 60s or so. Her hair was perfect and she had a pleasant aura. We introduced ourselves and then she asked me if I was okay. I asked her how she knew something was wrong and she said she saw it in my eyes. I told her that I have been dealing with depression and I was beginning to worry I might not ever get better. She looked at me with loving eyes and said, “I am 80 years old and I am living proof that it will get better. You’re going to be okay. Believe it.”

Tears began to flow and we laughed and hugged and I felt instantly relieved. THAT was the reason I was to attend the conference. There were other amazing reasons but that two minute conversation with Miss Coretta reminded me of God’s promises. I mean it hit me over the head. I officially became a born again Christian almost two years ago when I was baptized and confessed my faith publicly. I felt so much relief when I came up out of that water that day at church. My soul was cleansed from sin and new life was born. But being a Christian doesn’t make life easier. In fact, it becomes HARDER. But what I need to remember is that no matter how much or how little I believe, God’s promises are STILL true.

Genesis 12:1-3 The Lord had said to Abram, “Go from your country, your people and your father’s household to the land I will show you. “I will make you into a great nation, and I will bless you; I will make your name great, and you will be a blessing. I will bless those who bless you, and whoever curses you I will curse; and all peoples on earth will be blessed through you.”

I am no Bible teacher. I am just learning and sharing what I am learning and how it applies to my life. I hope I somehow inspire you to think about your own life and remember that no matter how difficult things might seem at the moment…God is not finished with you yet. Listen for His voice so you don’t miss out on your blessings.

This Thanksgiving Eve I am thankful for my friend Coretta for reminding me that I am going to be okay. God is good!

Blessings,

Stacey ~ iamalive

 

I wrote the other day about how God allowed Satan to take everything away from Job and through it all…Job remained steadfast in his faith.

There comes a point in life where you will be down to nothing and you have two choices. (If you don’t think this is going to happen you are wrong…at least that is what I have been told by many and experienced myself). And when it happens you can either give up and give in to Satan or you can remain faithful and keep fighting knowing that God has not given up on you.

I have been in a season in my life where my faith has been challenged repeatedly. It would be sooooooo EASY for me to revert to my old ways because at least I am familiar with that life. It was a life without meaning but it was safe.

I could go back to that toxic, sinful relationship that I know is not part of God’s plan for me. I could stop writing here and keep my mouth shut about my faith and my journey because vulnerability is scary. I could do a lot of things that I have already done a hundred times that didn’t work but at least I know how things turn out.

However, I have already gone backwards too many times. I always like to motivate myself by thinking I am like Linda Hamilton in the last scene in Terminator where she drives off into the desert in her red Jeep sporting her cool aviators. She had been through hell and she was still moving forward. (I just realized the picture I decided to attach with this post was of me looking out into the ocean in Okinawa where I began this journey. Coincidence? I am not wearing cool aviators but I don’t think it is a coincidence).

Go back to my old life?  As Heather Land says in her daily Facebook videos, “I ain’t doin’ it!” I am done with that old sinful selfish person who thinks the world revolves around her and owes her something. My purpose here is to let God keep being God and to point people in His direction through sharing my story.

I received an email recently from someone who reads my blog. She recommended that I do something for others when I am feeling bad about my life. I appreciated that message because I have been failing at that lately and I needed the reminder. What I have been failing to do most for others is to pray for them. I have been failing to pray at all for that matter. I read Job 42 today and verse 10 stuck out to me.

10 After Job had prayed for his friends, the Lord restored his fortunes and doubled his previous possessions.

God brings beauty from ashes. He restores our HEARTS when we keep believing and trusting in His faithfulness.

Blessings,

Stacey ~ iamalive