I’ve been reflecting on my trip to Mexico last week the last couple of days. I’m now back to reality at home in Indiana with snow on the ground and in bed sick with the flu that I apparently caught while traveling home.
I don’t take as many vacations as I used to. And for that reason I seem appreciate it more when I do get away. Life has had a way of slowing me down over the last few years. I’ve realized that I hid from a lot of pain by running away from it all and seeking happiness in adventures and relationships that weren’t right for me. The thing about that is when the adventures stop, I’m still stuck with me. I’m stuck with the not so great memories of those bad relationships too. The not so great times tend to become the focus a lot of the time which can paralyze my mindset into thinking I’m never going to be happy again. Never going to experience joy again. Never going to move forward. Never going to have a healthy relationship again. Unfortunately the enemy gets a grip on me when I’m feeling this way.
Getting away from everything last week to spend a couple days on the beach and see my favorite musician perform was good for the soul. But now I’m back to reality and sick as a dog. I haven’t felt this lousy since I had the flu 10 years ago. I sent my friend a message and told her I was home and that I was sick and her response was “Play hard, PAY hard.”
Is that true? Do we always have to payback our happiness with misery in some form? Am I being punished for having fun last week?
Absolutely NOT! It’s just life. Along with all of the crappy things that I experienced in my past…the bad things help me appreciate the good stuff even more. I used to hate myself. Seriously hated the person looking back at me in the mirror. Today I’m older, grayer, achier, but I love the me on the inside. This older, wiser me knows that the best is yet to come and God isn’t finished with me yet. The bad things helped shaped who I’ve become. Even this nasty flu bug isn’t going to get me down because I know I didn’t get sick because I had a good time last week.
My new motto isn’t play hard, pay hard, instead it’s play hard, PRAY hard. Because life isn’t always going to be cheery but knowing that God is beside me getting me through it gives me hope. I have faith in his timing. And I know that the old me died when I made the decision to follow Jesus a couple of years ago. Instead of looking backwards with remorse I am constantly praying for God to show me what lies ahead. I am not being punished for having a nice vacation. I am being reminded of why I NEED Him in my life from here on out.
Romans 6:4 We were therefore buried with Him…that…we too may live a new life.
Blessings,
Stacey ~ iamalive