I Am Alive

Grit: A positive, non-cognitive trait based on an individual’s perseverance of effort combined with the passion for a particular long-term goal or end state.

Looking back, it’s interesting to me how I seem to always survive the worst storms in life like a pro. I always seem to pick myself up and keep moving forward. But in the middle of the chaos I usually think it’s the end. But it’s never been the end because I am still here to tell about it.

You would think that those rough patches would be the most difficult to get through, but for me that really isn’t the case. The most difficult times are the times when not much is happening at all. It is like I am sitting here waiting for something bad to happen. And after waiting a while, I get bored. And then I get distracted with things that consume my thoughts and I lose my focus. I stop looking for things coming up in the distance that could lead me in a wrong direction. I’m already sidetracked.

It is a never ending cycle. Up, down, up, down, up, down.

After years and years of going through this cycle, I have finally actually gained some wisdom from my experiences. I have definitely become stronger. I don’t fall apart easily like I used to. I don’t blame others like I used to. I KNOW I am responsible for me.

And in the tough times I cling to God like I am hanging from a tiny ledge on a cliff and He is my only hope. But truthfully, I should be clinging to Him at all times. Because during these boring, dull times when I am just living my life, that is when the enemy likes to attack most. When I least expect it. When my guard is down. When I think all is okay. He dangles a carrot in front of me or possibly a piece of cheesecake. And although I am not really hungry…I reach for it anyway. It looks so sweet and it just grabs my attention.

But soon after I grab it, I realize I’ve made a mistake. And suddenly I am back on the floor wondering what the heck just happened. Taking my eyes off of my goals for a split second sends me backwards every single time. I KNOW I need to be alert at all times, not just during crisis. Stopping to rest sounds like a nice idea, but that’s when I get in trouble. Every single time. Did I mention every time? When I think I can take my eyes off God for a few moments I get myself in a mess. Surviving the hurricane does me no good when I trip over a branch in the path when I get up and continue walking.

Praying for focus, strength,  endurance, and some good old fashioned spiritual grit to always keep me moving forward no matter how many times I stumble. 

Blessings,

Stacey ~ iamalive 

I moved again recently. When I filled out my application for my apartment I had to write down each and every address I’ve lived at for the last 10 years. Do you know how difficult that was since I have literally moved seven times since 2012??

It has been a long winding road indeed since I sold my last home. (Apartment life ain’t that fun y’all). Just when I think I am making progress and getting my life back in order, I get sidetracked. Sometimes I’ve been totally derailed. One step forward, two steps back seems to be the story of my life.

But I am back on my own again finally and in a good place. I needed to buy a few things though. I needed a place to sit, so I bought a couch. And I needed to wash my clothes, so I ordered a washer and dryer. They took three weeks to get here and my clothes were piling up a mile high. I was determined I wasn’t going to go back to the laundromat again and spend an arm and a leg on their overpriced machines.

But my new appliances finally arrived this week and I was able to tackle the mountain. Some of you might be reading this and thinking what is the big deal? You did some laundry. So what? But for me it is a very big deal. I never appreciated much of anything before. And when I say before…I mean when I had everything I needed…which was basically all of my life until I turned 41. I have not owned my own washer and dryer since 2012. That is six years of going to the laundromat or doing my laundry in a friends washer and dryer.

It is finally a little warmer outside today, so I decided to move one of my plants out onto the front porch. I opened the door and set the plant out there and my neighbor scared the poo out of me. She was standing on her porch smoking and I didn’t expect her to be there. We started talking about plants and such and then she asked me if I was getting settled into my new place yet. I told her I was and how excited I was to be able to do my laundry in my very own washer and dryer again. She told me she totally understood what I meant and then she said, “you just don’t know what you got ‘til it’s gone, do you?”

I don’t think there has ever been a truer statement. I have lost a lot. And I have a newfound appreciation now for pretty much EVERYTHING. And I am not just talking about material things that don’t even really matter. Hopefully you know what I mean. 

Life is a learning lesson and I am grateful for it all and for finally getting my priorities in order for the most part. I don’t take a lot for granted anymore. Thankful God always seems to steer me back in the right direction when I take a wrong turn.

Blessings,

Stacey ~ iamalive

Just for the heck of it I am attaching a song that doesn’t have a lot to do with washers and dryers but I like it. 🙂 Plus, Cinderella and Bon Jovi was my first concert…so maybe I truly have come full circle. 🙂

(Sharing my friend Lisa’s message she originally posted on Maundy Thursday. Have a blessed Easter! Stacey ~ iamalive)

Today in my Bible reading plan I read John 19. This was about Jesus being flogged, mocked, crucified, and dying as a victor not victim. Although a day before Good Friday the timing is perfect because it is from God. The more I grow in my relationship with Jesus the more I understand the depth of what He went through to save me. Undeserving. It also makes me wish I would have had this relationship with Jesus when boys were growing up because I would have put so much more emphasis on what Easter really means instead of focusing on the Easter bunny, hunts, etc. We did have the resurrection eggs though. 🙂

Seriously though…to get what Jesus went through is life changing. Praying my children will get the depth of what Easter means sooner than I did. I can’t go back. Jesus said it is finished so I must forget what is behind and strain toward what is ahead as Paul said about pressing on towards our goal. As you go about the next 4 days really think what the words “It is finished” means to you in your life. #abiding

~Lisa

Today I’m sharing a glimpse into the life of my 24 year old friend. I read Brandy’s post on Instagram this morning and I had no idea she was feeling quite this way lately. It was honest and inspiring and it made me think about the hills and valleys of life. She and I are in different seasons and I am twice her age, but I so related to her words. The key is to keep moving forward no matter how you feel even when the path isn’t exactly clear.

Happiness is a journey, not a destination. Cliche? Maybe. But after 40+ years of trying to figure it out, I do believe it’s true. It is not achieved by having a perfect relationship, acquiring degrees, landing a job, or surrounding yourself with material things. It’s achieved when you appreciate the moment you are in right now. Because even in the valley there is something good. And because of God’s grace, we always have the chance to start climbing that mountain and begin again.

Blessings,

Stacey ~ iamalive

~~~

I should be so happy right now. I just started a new job, I am about to graduate…I should be on top of the world but I’m not. I imagined that once I reached this point in my life, I’d feel differently but now that I’m reaching some of my goals, it isn’t enough. I’ve been in a state of perpetual anxiety for the last three years trying to do everything I can to be the best that I can be. In that process, I have literally dropped all of my creative outlets. I keep doing the same things at the same places and I feel lonely so often because I don’t reach out to people on any real level. I don’t take care of myself even though I act like I do and I give people good advice that I don’t follow. I have been feeling fed up and I’ve been isolating myself. I haven’t been answering texts. I have even shut myself off from my husband because I know something isn’t right but I’ve let myself feel helpless like this is how I’m going to feel forever.

Today, my brother-in-law and his girlfriend came to visit and we did a rune reading. I drew an Inguz after thinking about my problems. It is the rune of isolation or separation in order to create a space or place where the process of transformation into higher states of being can occur. This made me think about how I’ve known I need to make some changes in my life for a while but haven’t. I make up excuses and surround myself with things I should have let go a long time ago and I hold on to negative thoughts about myself over events that are long over. I have bad habits that I wallow in and I am addicted to stress. I will never reach a higher self if I don’t make some changes.

I am committing to finishing the things that I have started to make room for what I have been neglecting. I have a great life that I’m grateful for. I need to start appreciating it and I need to utilize everything in my toolbox to grow on the inside. Time to tie-up the loose ends and begin again.

~ Brandy

I remember sitting at the auto shop one Saturday afternoon nearly 20 years ago like it was yesterday. You know, you’re sitting there in this little cramped area with several other people staring at a TV with a fuzzy screen that is playing a bad episode of Maury Povich or Matlock? A pot of burnt coffee and a vending machine always decorate the area. A man is usually reading a newspaper and a mom is trying to keep her kids in their seats. It’s such a great way to spend part of your weekend isn’t it? (Ha!)

Back then we didn’t have smart phones to stare at while we waited so we actually talked to the people sitting around us. I remember talking to a man who was probably in his 40s. At that time I was in my 20s. I have no idea what our conversation was about except for the last thing he said to me. I will never forget it.

“You meet everyone for a reason.” 

I had always believed that but he confirmed it and made it REAL. And in my mind at that time and still today…I believe I remember those words from a stranger so vividly because it was message from God. He sent an angel to tell me that. He wanted me to become aware. Maybe that sounds crazy? Angels? Yes, Angels.

But someone with ADD who is overly self aware like myself kind of needs BIG RED FLAGS or flashing lighted signs placed in front of them in order to not miss stuff going on outside of her world.

God always gives us what we need when we need it. 

And what I have always been in need of is a reminder that everything is going to be okay. It’s all going to work out. Stop sweating it and enjoy your life, Stace. Stop worrying about the next thing and worry about THIS THING. The right now. Sit back and remember how all of those bad times in the past always got better. Remember that some of the people you thought you couldn’t live without rarely cross your mind today. And when they do, you actually just remember the good stuff. Because there was a heck of a lot of it.

I visited my dad at the nursing home tonight. He actually knew my name today and we talked about a lot of things from the past. He told me things about his job that I had no idea about. He wore MANY hats at that manufacturing plant. And the only thing I really knew he did was feed the fish in the pond in front of the building because that’s what we did when he took me there on Saturday’s when I was a kid.

It was a good visit and I was in need of that and so was he. And when I was driving home a song came on the radio that really meant a lot to me about 5 years ago. It was a song that got me through a very difficult time in my life. I cried tonight when I heard it. I got through that difficult time. That song reminded me of that. And I will get through this difficult time. And the next one. And in the meantime I’ll enjoy the ride. Because it is all one amazing journey of meaningful experiences that don’t seem to be connected at all while you are traveling through them…but once you reach your destination the tiny little pieces all seem to fit together beautifully.

EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON.

Joy is  the word I picked for 2018. But I have acquired a couple of other favorite words recently as well. I can’t tell you what they are yet because I am still traveling to my next destination figuring them out. But I can tell you this…It is all going to be okay for me.

And if you are here reading this you’ve found me for a reason too…just like that guy at the auto shop told me 20 years ago. And I’m here to let you know YOU are going to be okay too. God knows where you are going so sit back and enjoy the view.

Blessings and travel on,

Stacey ~ iamalive