Yesterday I woke up early and took a drive to the Shawnee National Forest in Southern Illinois. This forest contains sandstone rock formations which formed millions of years ago and this area is called Garden of the Gods. I have been to this place several times. It is always amazing to see the scenery there. I found a lot of peace when I visited Japan last month and my heart and mind have been seeking more…I knew that the Garden of the Gods would be a perfect place to find that. As I walked the trail I met a couple who had never been there and they were so amazed by it. There were other people there…large groups, families with small children and older couples taking in the sights. I took a lot of pictures but mostly I just enjoyed sitting and looking at the views. It is really a beautiful place.
I have been on a journey to find myself again for a couple of months now. I am coming out of a relationship where I am realizing after being out of it…that I was quite lost. I had been following someone else’s dream and I had forgotten about my own dreams. I had been neglecting myself. It was my choice but with that choice I had become a bitter and extremely unhappy person. I am doing more things now that I was “putting off” because I didn’t have time before. Now I have all of the time in the world. It is too bad I failed to see this sooner. If I had focused on myself more instead of my relationship, my relationship might not have ended. I am learning that when you love someone, you have to remember to love yourself first. I am trying to do that now. I have good days and I have bad days. That is part of the healing process.
Today I went to church and visited my Dad at the nursing home. My friend met me at church and I was glad she came…this was her first visit. Church is helping lift my spirit as well. I have always been a believer but not quite sure I have always been a follower. I have been trying to do things on my own and I am realizing now that is not working. Something has to change. I need to make some serious changes at this point in my life. Instead of just thinking about how I need to live, I need to act on it. To quote a message from Joel Osteen…I need to “always do the right thing even when nobody is watching.” I believe I do that for the most part, but I can do a much better job. I know that my experiences have happened to me for a reason…I have learned many lessons throughout my life. But I am learning that I may not have handled things the way I should have at times. I am not beating myself up about it. I am not perfect and never will be. I am just thankful that now I see what I need to do in order to find true peace and happiness. Put God first in my life…and love myself. Everything else will fall into place. I have faith it will happen.