I am having a leisurely day off from work today.  I woke up early but did not get out of bed until after 11am.  I do not do this very often but sometimes it is NEEDED.  To just relax and think or not think.

Yesterday was the first day of the week long Fall Festival here where I live.  I look forward to this event every year…mainly now for the FOOD.  In younger years it was about socializing and hanging out with friends.  I went last night with my roommate and her friend and spent way too much on what I had to eat but it is for a good cause and definitely yummy.  I was thinking about all of the people I had been there with over the years.  Childhood friends when I was a kid, my parents, work friends, girlfriends, boyfriends, husbands(s) Haha.  Just a lot of different memories from being there and they are all great.  I am going back again today with my girlfriend Anna and her daughter and her daughters friend (her daughter wanted to take a friend because they are embarrassed to be seen with us…WOW I remember those days!!!)  Anyway, looking forward to pigging out again…my healthy eating diet will have to be postponed until next week and that is OKAY! 😀

The chill in the air that last week or so has also brought back other memories of fall.  I was thinking about being away at school…3.5 hours from my parents.  MY FAVORITE TIME OF MY LIFE!   It was such a freeing experience that I am so thankful my parents allowed me to have.  I was homesick a lot at first and I remember being excited for them to come visit me for a weekend…it was in the fall about this time of year.  I was so worried about getting my apartment cleaned up for their inspection that I bailed out on a couple of classes on Friday to clean.  They surprised me and came early and I got in trouble for missing class!  I guess I should have planned ahead but such is the life of a college student.  It is definitely a good memory though.  Just having my parents with me while I was in my new place was very special.

My next thoughts were about my grandparents (Dad’s side).  They lived in Pennsylvania and then in Arizona in later years. I received a message from someone I love dearly who is having a visit from family soon and something she said reminded me of my grandpa calling us the “Kentucky kids”.  He would say he was coming to visit the Ky kids  when they came to visit…which was quite often.  They enjoyed their retirement and traveled across the US in their motorhome.  I LOVED their visits.  And I also enjoyed going to PA and AZ to visit them. My grandpa would mail my parents and me letters addressed to The Kentucky Kids…what a sweet memory.  They both passed away when I was in college and I miss them very much.

A final memory I had while being lazy this morning was about my old home…the house I grew up in on Downey Drive.  To me, that will ALWAYS be home.  Another family lives there now but there are SO MANY memories connected to that house…and that is what I mean by home.  I guess my heart really is still there.  I am excited to have a house of my own again someday where I can create new memories with loved ones.  To me, that is what life is about.

I guess I will always be a “Kentucky kid” from Downey Drive and there is nothing wrong with that in my book 🙂

I just love Sundays.  Sunday is the day I go to church and go visit my Dad.  It is my favorite day of the week. I am working through so many things right now.  I have so much going on and I am having a difficult time focusing.  Sunday is my day to focus on what is important.

I have been filling my free time with so many things.  I went to a concert last week in Nashville and saw one of my favorite artists perform at the Ryman Auditorium (formerly the Grand Ole Opry House).  What a thrill to number one, see Jack Johnson perform live finally…I have followed his music career for over 10 years.  And number two…just being at place with so much history.  So many amazing artists have performed  there throughout the years and it was awesome to be there amongst the history.

I saw a movie last week produced by Kirk Cameron called “Unstoppable”.  This movie was truly inspiring.  The movie was about why does God let bad things happen to good people and how out of tragedy, faith becomes even stronger.  It has made me realize that the life struggles I have faced, have made me even stronger.  I feel inspired to help others somehow from the things I have learned throughout my life…from my experiences.

I am continuing to work on travel writing entries.  I am job searching.  I am spending time with friends.  I am feeling alive again.  Today I am thankful to wake up each day.  I am truly blessed…God is good.

I have been very busy for the last couple of weeks.  Keeping up with my blog has been difficult but I wanted to check in.  Since my last zoo entry 2 weeks ago today I have been busy working, seeing friends, going to church, running, job searching, having some FUN and trying to get my life back in order.  If you have read my earlier posts you know that I am at a crossroads in my life.  Unfortunately, I officially filed for divorce from my husband one week ago today.  This was one of the most difficult things I have faced in my life.  It takes a great deal of courage to end something that you still believe in…that you do not want to end.  But he left me exactly 3 months ago today and has told me it is over, so I must move on and I am and I will.  I have prayed that he would change his mind but it looks like God wants us to take separate paths for whatever reason.  I am trying to keep faith that things are going to be ok no matter what.  I am feeling better everyday and gaining my joy back (finally!) that I somehow lost along the way.  It is a bittersweet ending…a relationship that I thought would last forever is suddenly gone.  My best friend is suddenly a stranger.  Why???  I do not really even understand this yet myself but I am trusting God.  I know I am blessed.  Things could be a lot worse than they are now.  I have a great roommate.  I have great friends.  I have reconciled with my long lost best friend from my teenage years which has been a complete blessing.  She and I have picked up right where we left off more than 20 years ago and I am so thankful for her friendship.  My cats are healthy and happy and always glad to see me!  And my Dad is doing well…he looks forward to my visits every week.  He is my inspiration.

The subject line to this post is inspired by a song “You Might Die Trying”…a song written by my favorite artist, Dave Matthews.  I have been doing a lot of soul searching lately.  Where do I want to live??? Where do I want to work???  What do I want to do with my life???  I want to help, I want to inspire, I want to do something.  I want to help people in some way who are less fortunate than me.  I have a tremendous soft spot elderly people and also for animals.  (I admire my roommate very much because she fosters homeless animals).  I want to do something with my life that combines the two…somehow…someday.  “If you give, you begin to live”…I want to live.

“You Might Die Trying”

I had an absolutely fantastic day off today.  I decided to go to the zoo…I have been wanting to go there all summer.  I feel summer slipping out of my fingertips so today was the day.  The weather was gorgeous and the animals were actually out and about.  I spent several hours there and took my time checking out every exhibit taking pictures and talking to the animals 😉  It was super relaxing and I really did not want to leave but my hungry stomach said it was time to go!  I will definitely go back again soon.  After a late lunch at the Mexican restaurant close by…I returned home in an extremely thankful and happy mood.  I spent the day with ME.  And I am ok with that.  In past years I wouldn’t have dreamed of spending a day like today all alone.  I am confident with myself now and I know that if I am not happy with just ME I will never be happy in a relationship.  I am realizing that I really need to remember this in future relationships.  It is so easy to get caught up in feelings when you are with another person and forget what is important to you…and forgetting to take care of your own needs.  I am a caregiver at heart…but I think the years of needing to take care of others is catching up with me.  I will always be a caregiver, but from now on I am taking care of myself too.  I have to.  Hopefully this way, everyone will be HAPPY 🙂

Life is SOOOOOO short.  I am living day to day and really trying to enjoy it.  I have down days but I know things will always get better.  And they could definitely be worse.