Do you know how that feels? I sure do. Sometimes it is difficult to smile, let alone sing. I am in a season in my life right now where I am beginning to sing again, quite often, thankfully. I have bad days here and there but overall…I am gaining my joy back. The good days actually outweigh the bad by far. Thank you Jesus!!!
I have been through seasons of my life (years at a time) however where I felt no joy. I had no song in my heart. I was dead inside. Flashback to 1997-1999 (Broke engagement to college sweetheart and jumped straight into a very negative relationship). Flashback to 2003 (My mom’s death). Flashback to 2008-2010 (First divorce straight into another negative relationship). Flashback to 2011 (Dating and work year from hell!!!). Flashback to 2013 (Second divorce and finally hitting rock bottom). There’s a lot of other stuff (read my book) but those are the big ones.
So basically, for most of my 20’s and 30’s I went through several cycles where I was joyless. Yes, there were moments during those periods where I was happy. And the in between years were great. College and graduation in 1996 was a high point. Buying my first condo in 1998 and being independent was liberating. My first wedding in 2004 was an amazing black rock beach ceremony in Maui with my Canadian hubby. Getting back on my feet after my first marriage ended and buying my second home in 2008 was healing for my soul. My second wedding in 2012 was equally amazing as the first with my musician hubby…an Elvis style wedding in Vegas. The birth of my website I Am Alive in 2013 when I became reborn (although I didn’t quite realize that at the time).
The bad times are periods of my life I’d rather not think about too much. But looking back, the thing I realize now is that through the worst times of my life, I failed to trust God. He wasn’t even in the picture. How could He help me through it if I didn’t even recognize He was there?
I KNOW He is there now! And that is why I am able to sing now no matter what I am going through.
I heard this song today and it always takes me back to July 2013. I saw Mercy Me perform live in the fall of 2012 when I was still married. We had a rough start to our marriage and I wept through the entire concert. This song is my favorite of theirs and it inspired the name of my website. It got me through a very long difficult time when I didn’t feel like singing at all.
Sing anyway…
Thank You God for giving me a song to sing when when I don’t feel like it. Even when I’m in my darkest place You are there catching my tears. I love You and I thank You for loving me the way You do. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Blessings,
Stacey ~ iamalive
“Jesus come and break my fear
Wake my heart and take my tears
Find Your glory even here
When the hurt and the healer collide”