I have a vivid childhood memory of falling forwards face first into the sand and being pulled into the ocean water by the undertow once at Virginia Beach, VA. My dad and I were walking along the beach and wading around and stopped with our backs facing the water. The next thing I knew the steady current was dragging me under. Some of the details are a bit murky but I distinctly remember the moments when I was under the pounding waves. It seemed to last forever. I couldn’t see and all I could hear was my own amplified thoughts. The outside world was gone and it was eerily silent. But I was screaming inside.
I don’t remember if my dad grabbed me or if we both found our way to the shore because he fell down too. My dad is not a strong swimmer and that is probably why we were wading around instead of swimming in the first place. Sand in my nose and butt crack, I cried my eyes out and begged my parents to just let me play in the pool. They agreed. Maybe my dad was traumatized too, I don’t know. But they bought me a float that read, “Virginia is for Lover’s.” It was yellow with red lettering and it had a rope I could hold onto. I remember it because it was “safe.” I would admire the ocean from the safety of the pool the rest of the time.
I saw the movie Finding Dory with my friend at the theatre yesterday. Baby Dory was sucked up by the current in her aquarium and got lost from her parents. She had many adventures, including Finding Nemo but she was always in search of her parents and her home. Dory had short-term memory loss and couldn’t hold a thought for more than 10 seconds but she remembered she had been separated. She wasn’t sure where home was exactly but she knew it was “safe.” Instead of a rope to hold onto Dory found comfort in seashells because her parents used them to create a path for her to find her way home before she got lost thousands of miles away.
( SPOILER) After years of separation from her mom and dad and with a little help from her friends, Dory was reunited with her parents eventually. Why did she find her parents? Because she NEVER gave up. She just kept swimming. She already had the disadvantage of memory loss against her and along her journey she hit roadblock after roadblock, falling flat on her face time and time again. But still, she never gave up. She held on to faith and she kept her focus on the shells to lead her back home.
Faith to me is not knowing the details but still trusting the outcome. When I was pulled underneath the water I was returned back with my parents safely after a few seconds. I didn’t have to worry about being lost thousands of miles away. The currents of life send us in all kinds of directions though. Sometimes you get tossed around simply because you were at the wrong place at the wrong time or with the wrong person for that matter. Sometimes you get sucked under as a result of poor choices you made.
On this journey of life I have felt lost a lot of the time not knowing what was going to become of me or where I would end up next. I gave in to fear more times than not and allowed anxiety and depression to take over. I lost faith in God and gave up. I let go of the rope. I lost sight of the shells. I was drowning in the world I created for myself. I thought I was superior and didn’t need God in my life.
- Why do I need to go to church? I’d rather sleep late on Sunday. I can do church on my own. All by myself……………without anyone else. A L O N E.
- Why do I need to cut off relationships and friendships that I know are bad for me? I’d rather have someone else to blame. I am afraid to be alone so I choose to participate in activities with people who do not have my best interests at heart because it is easier to do that than to live by my convictions (God’s voice telling me what is right and wrong) instead of being true to my inner self…and to God.
- Why do I need to stop purposely leading a sinful life? I am not as bad as a lot of people. I can pick and choose the parts of the Bible that fit my needs and ignore the rest. I am forgiven regardless, right? I can do better next year.
- Why do I need to read the Bible anyway? I’d rather watch countless hours of meaningless TV shows or goof off on the internet in my free time. The Bible is merely a centerpiece on my nightstand that makes me appear to know what is contained inside because it is always right beside me…but really it’s just collecting dust. Meanwhile my brain and my faith are going dead.
- Why pray? I can handle everything ON MY OWN.
No, no, no, no and no!
Boy, was I WRONG. Thinking that I can handle everything on my own is like purposely standing in the ocean and waiting to be sucked under the water. That is what happens. We are not meant to handle everything on our own…on our terms. IT DOESN’T WORK. I finally stopped fighting the current and began to swim with it. I would much rather be hanging onto the rope with God by my side than fighting the devil trying to stay above the water on my own. Some of you get what I am saying and some of you don’t. But you will someday. God has blessed each and every one of us with an abundance of grace that we do not deserve through Jesus Christ. I am choosing to accept it and be thankful for it instead of ignoring it and fighting it.
And like Dory, I need to always remember to just keep swimming.
Blessings,
Stacey ~ iamalive