You’re Beautiful

You’re beautiful

You’re beautiful

You are made for so much more than all of this…

-Mercyme

My struggle right now is money…or lack of money rather.  I am working for a very reputable company in my town.  But I am not a full-time employee.  My money is very tight as a “temp” worker and I see no chance of being hired in the near future.  Living paycheck to paycheck is just plain hard.  I get frustrated, worried, stressed and depressed.  I find myself lying on the floor in a ball sometimes wondering what is going to happen to me???  The girl who posts thousands of positive quotes and uplifting prayers on Twitter to thousands of followers is asking God…Is this is all there is to this life???  Why have I turned out like this???  I have owned 2 homes.  I have had very good jobs in the past.  I have traveled around the world.  And now here I am at 42 years old essentially starting over.  No home of my own.  Not many personal belongings except for my clothes, toiletries and some keepsakes in a 4×6 storage unit.  How did I let this happen???  Why me???

This morning I had one of those “moments” I like to write about.  I was sitting at a stoplight on my way to work and started fiddling with my phone.  I decided to check my bank account because my check should have hit my account at midnight.  I tapped the bank app which has my user ID saved but I had to type in the password.  Without thinking…I typed the letters – b e a u t i f u l (which is NOT remotely close to my password).  Of course I thought to myself…WHY DID I DO THAT???  I immediately thought of the Mercyme song “Beautiful”.  “You are beautiful, you are beautiful…you are made for so much more than all of this…”  In that same moment I heard the lyrics from a song coming from my CD player from my favorite band (Dave Matthews Band) “would you not like be sitting on top of the world with your legs hanging free?” and it hit me all at once…God was telling me to relax, breathe and trust HIM.  He is there for me and will take care of me when everything in my life seems to be falling apart.  I am not a failure because I have made poor choices in my life.  He still loves me.  And He is going to get me through this if I just continue to trust him and have faith.

I wish I could have written this post at 7am when I was overflowing with emotion but here I am at 10pm after a long day and can barely keep my eyes open!  As I am lying here listening to music typing this…I realized just how much impact music can have.  For me, it truly is a way of keeping the communication lines open with God.  It helps me get through the rough stuff (thank GOD for K-Love radio) and it helps me celebrate when things are going great.  Live music is even better…I fill with emotion every Sunday morning during at least one song during worship…sometimes more…the lyrics and the music just speak to me. A DMB concert does the same thing…or Mercyme or or or…  So many more…

Thank you God for music! And thank you for taking care of me, always. I know You love me and have a plan for me.

I am blessed.  And I am b e a u t i f u l...and so are you! 🙂