I Am Alive

I have had a good couple of days since my last entry.  Yesterday I made it to the gym and felt very accomplished afterwards.  I have not been myself the past couple of months and I KNOW exercise will help me.  I thank my friend Shan again for encouraging me to go.  I plan to keep it up.

Last night I met some friends at the movies…B and J.  They are a couple who invited me to come with them and that made me very happy 🙂 I have not spent much time with them lately due to my personal situation and it was good to see them and just have fun enjoying a movie.  They have been through a lot in the past year as well but I think they are figuring things out.  I am vague here because I purposely do not want to give details.  What I will say is that I know GOD has a plan for them…and me and for all of us.  Things might not seem to make sense but I have FAITH that everything will work out.  It means not dwelling on things…not obsessing over things I cannot change…not constantly thinking about my problems.  It means letting go and letting GOD take control of the situation.

I have several friends who are going through a difficult time right now.  Maybe everyone is going through something tough right now.  I have learned to realize that FAITH is what gets me through it.  I have so many unanswered questions right now but I am not stressing about them like I was before…and as a result I am finding some peace.  I am LIVING.  I am taking one day at a time.  And I trust that everything will be ok although I do not have all of the answers in front of me.

Hello blog, I have neglected you this week! 🙂

I have had a busy week.  I actually worked on Labor Day (half day).  I spent Tuesday with my best childhood friend Steph because it was her birthday…we went out for Mexican food at lunch and then I ate dinner with her family at her house that evening.  Wednesday I met my friend Shan after work and we joined a gym!  We didn’t work out but hey, joining is a start right???  😉  Today I visited my Dad at the nursing home after work and that ALWAYS puts me in a good mood.  He is my inspiration.  He keeps his chin up although he cannot walk or get around by himself anymore.  It makes me realize that I need to be more thankful for my health and that although sometimes things seem bad…I AM ALIVE.  He is there for me for support as he has been throughout my life and for that I am truly thankful.  Tomorrow I am planning to work out with Shan and my other friend Anna will be joining us!  I am very excited about this.  I need to get in shape and lack motivation so it will help to have friends supporting me.

I am looking forward to the weekend.  I plan to spend some time outdoors.  I plan to work on my stories I am writing…I am entering some travel writing contests and I am really excited about that.  I have always enjoyed writing and I have a lot of experiences to share…something positive for me to focus on.

I feel like I am accomplishing more and more everyday.  Life does go on after setbacks.  I know I am not alone…God is on my side and for that I am thankful for today and everyday.

Yesterday I woke up early and took a drive to the Shawnee National Forest in Southern Illinois.  This forest contains sandstone  rock formations which formed millions of years ago and this area is called Garden of the Gods.  I have been to this place several times.  It is always amazing to see the scenery there.  I found a lot of peace when I visited Japan last month and my heart and mind have been seeking more…I knew that the Garden of the Gods would be a perfect place to find that.  As I walked the trail I met a couple who had never been there and they were so amazed by it.  There were other people there…large groups, families with small children and older couples taking in the sights.  I took a lot of pictures but mostly I just enjoyed sitting and looking at the views.  It is really a beautiful place.

I have been on a journey to find myself again for a couple of months now.  I am coming out of a relationship where I am realizing after being out of it…that I was quite lost.  I had been following someone else’s dream and I had forgotten about my own dreams.  I had been neglecting myself.  It was my choice but with that choice I had become a bitter and extremely unhappy person.  I am doing more things now that I was “putting off” because I didn’t have time before.  Now I have all of the time in the world.  It is too bad I failed to see this sooner.  If I had focused on myself more instead of my relationship, my relationship might not have ended.  I am learning that when you love someone, you have to remember to love yourself first.  I am trying to do that now.  I have good days and I have bad days.  That is part of the healing process.

Today I went to church and visited my Dad at the nursing home. My friend met me at church and I was glad she came…this was her first visit.   Church is helping lift my spirit as well.  I have always been a believer but not quite sure I have always been a follower.  I have been trying to do things on my own and I am realizing now that is not working.  Something has to change.  I need to make some serious changes at this point in my life.  Instead of just thinking about how I need to live, I need to act on it.  To quote a message from Joel Osteen…I need to “always do the right thing even when nobody is watching.”  I believe I do that for the most part, but I can do a much better job.  I know that my experiences have happened to me for a reason…I have learned many lessons throughout my life.  But I am learning that I may not have handled things the way I should have at times.  I am not beating myself up about it.  I am not perfect and never will be.  I am just thankful that now I see what I need to do in order to find true peace and happiness.  Put God first in my life…and love myself.  Everything else will fall into place.  I have faith it will happen.

I have seen three friends this week so far and planning to get together with another tomorrow.  One a lifelong friend I have known since I was not even a year old who is more like a sister.  The second, a junior high school friend who has come back into my life during the last couple of years…and I am so happy to be reconnected to her.  The third…an amazingly positive young woman who I greatly admire and I am old enough to be her mom!…who I met through “the band” era (I will call it that…sounds good).  The Fourth…my best pal all through school who knows me better than most people…we are reconciling our friendship after years of not talking and I am VERY happy about that.

Sometimes I get so down and feel like nobody cares and I feel so alone.  But I know I do have amazing friends who care.  Some are like family to me.  My best friend lives on the other side of the world and she would do anything for me…I am TRULY BLESSED to have her as well as the rest of my friends.  There are so many people who come in and out of our lives throughout our years on this planet.  Some stay forever…some only for a short time…but they ALL leave a footprint on our hearts.  I believe that everything happens for a reason and we meet the people we meet for a reason.  Good and bad experiences we share with each other make us who we are.

Life is good 🙂

 

Today I am under the weather…I have caught a cold since returning from my trip and just resting and listening to music.  These 2 songs I am posting below are the inspirations for the name of my website.  The first one is The Hurt and the Healer by Mercy Me.  The second one is #41 by Dave Matthews Band and has been one of my favorite songs for many years.  Both are particularly special to me at this point in my life.  Please check them out  🙂

 

 

 

It is Sunday evening and I am finally recuperated from my jet lag (I think!).  I arrived home from my trip to Japan at 2am Friday morning.  What a LONG journey home!  My flight left Japan at 430pm Tokyo time Thursday (which would have been 230am Thursday here at home.  So basically I traveled for 24 hours.  My cats were so glad to see me 🙂  They were a nice welcoming committee for sure and have not left my side all weekend.  Friday I slept like a cat myself all day with them…I was exhausted.  Saturday I managed to get out and about at a decent time and go visit my Dad at the nursing home.  He was doing great and glad to see me.  I gave him some snacks from Japan and a t-shirt that Noriko sent with me to give him.  I showed him my pictures…he really enjoyed hearing about my experience 🙂  After that I stopped by to see my friend Stephanie…she was at her parents house visiting…on the street where I grew up.  It is always a strange thing to go back “home” and see the house where I grew up.  The people who live there now have made some changes and it looks really nice.  Anyway it was good to see my friend for a bit and her parents.

Today I went to a new church and really enjoyed the music and the message.  The message was that we all need to have a mission.  I think I am finally starting to figure out what my mission is in this life…and I hope I can continue this ride of positivity.  Life is so precious and sweet.  It is too short to be moping around and dwelling on my little problems in life.  I do not have cancer.  I am not hungry.  I have a job and a roof over my head.  I have a car and although it is not new, it gets me where I need to go. I have friends and family who care about me.  I am truly blessed in so many ways.  My marriage is ending but my life is not ending. I will go on…I am strong and I get knocked down at times but I always get back up.  This time I want to really change my way of thinking and let go of negativity which hopefully will change my life.  I want to use my experiences to make a positive impact on others somehow.

This blog is very personal and I appreciate anyone who is reading it.  It is a glimpse into my thoughts which I do not easily express to others outwardly.  It is my “diary” in a sense.  I enjoy writing to express my feelings and thoughts and this is the first step in my “mission”.  I am excited to see where it goes…