When I was a teenager my mom used to wake me up every Sunday morning and ask me if I was going to go to church with her. Normally I groaned and moaned and didn’t go. She always said, “Why don’t you just put your hair up in a ponytail and throw on some clothes and go with me?” I did on occasion but mostly I preferred to stay safe under the covers.
This morning I woke up not feeling like going to church. I had been planning to go all last week but today I felt like staying safe. But at 15 minutes before the service started I forced myself out of bed, put my hair in a ponytail, stepped into the ripped jeans that were crumpled on the floor, slipped on my flip flops, and headed out the door. When I arrived the service was just about to begin and I was glad it was dark because I was unshowered and I wasn’t looking or feeling my best. But when the music started I knew in that moment I had made the right decision to not be lazy this morning. There was a communion cup in my seat.
I have been struggling with pretty much everything in life lately and I have had that “Why me?” attitude. Why did all of that stuff happen to me in the past? Why can’t I seem to move forward now? What is going to happen to me? Why am I having so many negative thoughts? Why can’t I make a decision about ANYTHING??? I actually do feel dirty and not just on the outside.
But being at church this morning put things into perspective and adjusted my attitude. There is nothing like receiving holy communion to get my head back on straight. It is not all about me. And instead of why me? I am now thinking why not me?
Everything is possible from this moment forward. We took communion today to remember that. I am a child of God and he will take care of me and provide for me and there is absolutely no need to look back at the past with remorse or to look to the future with fear. There is no need to feel bad about dumb decisions or mistakes I made or will make.
Yes, I am a sinner but he loves me anyway. It is time to realize I am doing the best I can and to stop beating myself up so much. Because of his blood that was shed, I am forgiven. I am worthy. I am clean.
Blessings,
Stacey ~ iamalive