I have a fear of stairs. I have a fear of escalators and elevators too for that matter. In general I am not the most coordinated person. I sprained my ankle a couple of times and broke a bone in my foot once. One of the ankle sprains happened when I tripped over my Siberian husky. He liked to get under me much like my cats do. I always had to be careful when I walked him but that time I got tangled up. The broken bone in the foot happened walking out of a DMB concert in Nashville. I was with my soon to be first husband at the time and I hadn’t had a drop of alcohol that night. We were walking out of the concert stuck in the middle of a herd of people. I missed the curb and my left foot turned over. I was wearing wedged sandals and felt it snap. I basically fell to the concrete in the middle of thousands of people trying to leave the concert. It was not fun and I remember my ex saying, “Come on honey, get up.” Huh? Get up? I couldn’t walk. Oh gosh how embarrassing for both of us I guess. And how painful. I hobbled around in one of those gigantic boots for six weeks after that.
My fear of falling doesn’t just come from my actual falls. I had a recurring nightmare when I was a child about an elevator. The door opened and I began to step inside but the car was not there. I put one foot inside before I realized I was about to step off into a hole of darkness and barely caught myself. I hated that dream. I woke up crying every time. Then there was the time I went to Washington, D.C. when I was a kid with my parents. I don’t think they had ever taken a subway so this was a first for all three of us. I was very young but I remember this vividly like it was yesterday. We were in line waiting to board and a man fell in between two of the cars and onto the tracks. I believe he thought the gap between the cars was the door…or he may have just fallen, I do not know. I just remember the panic. People were screaming and someone ran to the front to let the driver know what happened. It took a few minutes but they helped him out and then we were on our way. But what if no one had noticed??? I had NIGHTMARES about that incident for years. That happened I am guessing 35 or so years ago and I still think about it.
So I have all of these fears about falling. (I have other fears but that’s a different entry). However, I do not have a fear of flying. I LOVE to fly. I don’t go as often as I used to but there is nothing about flying that I do not like. I have a little ritual when I board a plane…as I step off the bridge or stairs into the aircraft I pat the outside of the plane with my hand. I don’t know when that started but it is like I am greeting the plane saying, “Hello there, I am here and I am in your hands now. Take good care of me please.” Because once you are in the air there is no turning back until the wheels touch the earth again. To me that is actually an exciting feeling. I was blessed to have a friend take me up in two of his personal airplanes several years ago. One was a 4-6 seater I think and the other was a 2 seater. We flew around his beautiful city in Canada and he had fun with me doing little dips and I experienced zero G’s as I was lifted out of my seat for a few seconds. It was exhilarating and I loved it. I miss flying.
As for escalators, I always had the fear I would trip and fall and my hair would get caught in the moving floor and rip my scalp off. Now that is an ugly thought, eh? But back to the stairs. I don’t like them. They are great exercise. But for a klutz like myself I prefer a different form of exercise. Yet somehow I found myself moving to an apartment last year that has stairs. I love my apartment. But I am cautious. I have crazy thoughts sometimes. “What if I fall down and really hurt myself and nobody finds me for days?” I fell in the shower a few weeks ago and didn’t have my phone with me. I banged myself up a bit but I was fine. My ego was a bit bruised but it made me think about my fears of falling even more.
Heck, my female cat refuses to walk down the stairs. She has a bit of a handicap (she has a hernia) and I think that makes her fearful. So I keep a litter box upstairs for her and I bring her food to her every morning. Some mornings though, she surprises me. I will be standing in the kitchen preparing her food and my other cats food (he has NO FEAR of anything) and she shows up. I know it is not easy for her because I have watched her do it. She uses extreme caution and takes each step slowly. I have to wonder if she is extra hungry on those days of maybe if she just patted the top stair and said, “Take care of me, I am coming down,” (In her cat voice of course). And when she makes it, I am so proud of her! The three of us have a little party in the kitchen. Or maybe it is just me partying and these cats have no idea why I am excited! lol (I just know I am going to be known as that cat lady blogger at some point. Another fear. Such is life).
But her fear teaches me something. When I am afraid to do something and do not follow through, I miss out. There is a great BIG world out there. Holding yourself back because you are afraid is cheating yourself to all God has to offer. I have made a couple of bold moves already this year that I never thought I would do. My “word” for right now is “FREEDOM.” (If you have been stopping by here for a while you might know about this). And in order to become free, I must do things that scare me. As they say, taking chances and moving beyond your comfort zone is where the good stuff happens. And that is exactly what I am finding out.
Let’s not limit ourselves. We each have amazing potential inside of us to achieve most anything we want. Trust God, trust yourself, and give the plane or the stairs or whatever it is you are fearful of a little pat and say “Let’s do this.” Life is way to short and there is so much to experience not to. By being brave and putting yourself out there you are offering something to the world in return. Take a deep breath and go for it. Never be afraid to FLY!!!
Blessings,
Stacey ~ iamalive