It is a gorgeous Saturday afternoon and not my normal “writing day.” There is a crisp chill in the air today…autumn is on her way. The leaves are falling…a subtle reminder that everything goes through a season, including me. I ask God to keep giving me inspiration so I can keep doing this writing thing. He never fails.
I write a lot about my “first world problems” and wonder, “Why would anyone want to read my story?” Everyone deals with this annoying stuff all the time. It is life! But I keep being reminded… that is EXACTLY why He wants me to keep doing it. There is power in those “me too” moments isn’t there? We are all grasping for something to relate to, especially during those seasons when we are struggling. I actually feel like throwing in the towel on this whole sharing and writing thing more times than I’d like to admit. Who really cares? Is anyone listening? What is the point? Sometimes I go for weeks without receiving any kind of feedback. I listen for God and He is silent. Or am I am just missing His whispers? But occasionally I do receive a message from a reader who tells me I have helped them or inspired them. And those messages are answers to my prayers, sent from God through someone else telling me to keep going.
I am listening.
When I say “first world problems” I am talking about problems like the mattress saga I have been dealing with for weeks now. This morning the furniture company delivered my THIRD mattress. If you read a few posts back, I talked about the first one I picked out being too hard. It was the Cadillac of mattresses and was built like a tank…it was beautifully made but unfortunately after sleeping on it for about a week I felt I was sleeping on concrete. The furniture company I purchased it from guarantees customer satisfaction so I was blessed enough to exchange the Cadillac for a softer mattress, which I received about a week ago. And when the delivery guys showed up to make the trade, one of them discovered that the replacement had a tear in it. It was about a quarter-sized rip in the fabric but it was right on the edge near where my head would be. I would never see this tear because the mattress pad and sheets would cover it, but I would still KNOW it was there. In my mind, I had suddenly downgraded from a brand new Cadillac to a used Ford Escort. So, in order to remedy this situation, they promised to bring me another mattress. I received the THIRD one today. I feel like I should be a Pro at testing out mattresses by now. Maybe that is my calling? Maybe I should apply for a job at the mattress outlet?
Anyway, third time is the charm, right? Not always. The THIRD mattress (that I received today) is the same model as the SECOND one (the softer version of the Cadillac/tank) but it is flawed too! It is actually a lot worse than the quarter sized tear that the previous one had. This time there are four places that are not sewn properly AT ALL. And I didn’t notice it until the delivery guys left. Did I just go from a Cadillac to a Ford Escort and now to a Pinto? What is God trying to teach me here???
I don’t know if the car analogy was the best to use because I have been driving the same Honda for over 10 years now and I do not know much about newer cars. All I know is I am supposed to be learning some kind of lesson from this mattress ordeal. Or maybe I am just supposed to be sharing this little problem, which in the grand scheme of things really is NOT a problem. An inconvenience? Yes…but not a problem. There are millions of people in the world who would likely think they were living in a castle if they were able to sleep in my modest apartment on my flawed mattress.
I actually just shook my head when I did notice the flaws and headed out the door to my next fiasco (which I am not going to bore you with here.)
But after fiasco #2 for today was finished, I decided to go to the movies to see 90 Minutes in Heaven. (I spilled my Mountain Dew down the side of my jeans during the previews because the lid wasn’t on properly…fiasco #3 and probably a sign that I shouldn’t be drinking Mountain Dew? 😉 ) Anyway, I saw War Room last weekend. Both are inspiring movies with a common theme of the power of prayer to overcome obstacles. Whether these are “first world” or “third world” obstacles, prayer IS the answer. God IS the answer.
From the movie today and one of my favorites…”If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.”
“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; He will never leave nor forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6
Amen to that.
I am still wandering through my fog. And I am dealing with my “first world problems.” And in the meantime my story is unfolding. I am learning and I am finding my purpose. I thought my purpose for a long time was to write a book. But I am struggling to get started on it again. In dealing with my “mess” I placed the book on the backburner. I intend to get it out again soon though. I am procrastinating BIGTIME. I started reading a book called Taming The To-Do List by Glynnis Whitwer, which is about overcoming procrastination and choosing your BEST work everyday. I NEED THIS BOOK. I am actually just reading the free 3-chapter sample I received at a conference in July and I am only on page 32 because I keep putting it off. It is good. It is helpful. I want to read it. It is on my to-do list. And eventually I might buy the entire book! When I have time.
For now, maybe God just wants me to share my story here as best as I can and connect with those who are around me now. There are a lot of books out there. There is only one I Am Alive blog. 🙂
Like Don Piper in 90 Minutes in Heaven, we each have a story to tell. Maybe you haven’t been pronounced dead and came back to tell about it like he did. You are here for a reason though and you do have a purpose. Don’t give up. Don’t dwell on the negatives from your past. Don’t be fearful of your unknown future. Keep pressing on and keep fighting the good fight of faith.
That is where I am at right now too. Everything I read and hear lately speaks to me telling me to “keep on keeping on.” There is a reason for the confusion. By turning my mess into a message, I am becoming. And although I may not fully understand why I am on this path right now, I believe there is a reason. God is my source of water and I am the river. I will continue to go with the flow even if I lack understanding.
“Whoever believes in me, as Scripture has said, rivers of living water will flow from within them.” John 7:38
I believe.
Listen for God and He will reveal the answers to you when it is time. His time. Until then, keep the faith. You will come out through to the other side of the fog. Maybe it feels more like fire than a fog. Maybe it is a slippery icy slope. But on the other side there will be clarity and you will know your purpose. Pray.
The leaves are falling but eventually the trees will grow new ones again, reminding us that we are becoming new again too.
“If I told you my story
You would hear victory
Over the enemy” ~ Big Daddy Weave
Thank you for continuing to be a part of my story.
Blessings!
Stacey ~ iamalive
http://youtu.be/jIHmYBKkGa8