Sex

Yes, my topic today is sex.  I have been thinking about writing about this for a while but was not sure what direction I wanted to go.  But yesterday the sermon at church was actually about sex…and I had my ah ha moment once again.

I wanted to post something on Facebook last week but I chose not to do it.  While scrolling my newsfeed it really bothers me when I see nearly nude photos of people.  I am not a prude.  And I do enjoy sex with a partner I am in a committed relationship with.  But I’d rather not see it just thrown in my face unexpectedly.  If a “friend” on Facebook “likes” a picture of a woman with her breasts showing, it pops up in my newsfeed.  You might say well they have the right to like what they want and if you do not want to see it maybe you shouldn’t use Facebook.  Well, my response is this.  I have the right to use it for my purposes also.  My main use for Facebook right now is to search for positive quotes and pictures to share on Twitter.  I have been using Facebook as a research tool to spread positivity.  I’d rather not delete it so unfortunately I will be deleting some “friends” who choose to post or “like” things that bother or offend me.

Whew.  That was my little vent and I am glad to have it off of my chest.

Now I can get to the more important part of what I wanted to write about.  The point of yesterdays sermon at church was to develop a Christ centered view of sex.  And to achieve this view the following must be taken into consideration.  1- We must remember that everyone believes there is sexual immorality.  2-We must remember that sex is never just about you.  3- We must remember that if we claim to follow Jesus and at the same time we are living in sexual immorality…it is hypocrisy.  That is a lot to digest and a lot to accept for most.

I am going to write about how this has applied to my life.  In doing so it might help me understand myself and my journey better as well as possibly give some insight to others.  (?)

When I was only 16 years old I started taking birth control pills.  My mom and dad were Christians and did not believe in sex before marriage and preached that to me over and over again.  Yet, neither one of them followed that rule.  They lived in hypocrisy and had sex outside of wedlock before they were married.  I KNEW in my heart it was wrong but the boy I was dating pressured me and I begged my mom  to get on “the pill”.  I told her that ALL of my friends were taking it (and most were).  I think she finally gave in because she would rather do that than the alternative…have a pregnant teenager.  From that point on my value of myself went down.  I did not realize this at the time but I see it so clearly now.  Every boy I was ever in a relationship with or even briefly dated for that matter from that point on expected sex and most of the time I gave it to him because that is what I thought I was supposed to do to be loved and feel secure.  But I was not getting the results that I wanted.  I instead felt totally insecure and totally unloved. I have been in several monogamous relationships throughout my life…two of them marriages.  The extremely interesting thing however is that during the two marriages…sex was completely lacking.  Neither husband wanted regular sex or intimacy with me while we were married.  Before we said “I DO”…it was GREAT.  Isn’t having sex with your spouse what Christ centered sex is all about???  I was so confused.  I realized now that I had not only picked the wrong men but I had a totally wrong view about sex my entire life.  I gave it freely to men who had no intention of making a commitment to me.  And when I was finally in a committed relationship I WANTED to have a HEALTHY sexual relationship and they wanted no part of it.  I still have no answers and cannot speak for my previous husbands.  They have their own demons they deal with and pasts that have shaped their attitudes towards sex that probably had absolutely nothing to do with me.  But I sure did take it personally at the time.

My view on sex has definitely changed over the years as I have grown into a mature woman.  I have had two men from my past pop back up since my divorce and they both expected to hear back from the same woman they thought they had known before. Both are highly intellectual men…one a Veterinarian and the other a medical doctor. Both old enough to know better…but both still acting like they are still 16 instead of in their 40s.  And they were in for a rude awakening when they contacted me wanting casual sex…and both have been blocked on my phone and all social media.

In summary, my feelings about this subject are stronger than they have ever been in my entire life.  The sermon yesterday was one of those where God was speaking to me through the pastor.  (This happens quite often :)) And I have had this feeling in my heart since my last marriage fell apart and I pray that I keep the strength to follow through. I am stronger and more secure with myself than I have ever been in my entire life now in all aspects and I do not plan to partake in carefree casual sex ever again.  I am saving myself for a man who truly deserves me this time.  And if I don’t find that person I can at least live with myself and the fact that I have held true to my beliefs and my morals and I am living a life for Christ and not just for ME anymore.

Very personal post here.  I appreciate you reading it!!!  Have a blessed week 🙂