I visited my dad at the nursing home this afternoon. I arrived later than I normally do on Sunday because I attended late church service and went to lunch with my friend afterwards. We were expecting storms today and tomorrow but I checked the forecast and it looked like I would return home before the weather got bad. Unfortunately my Weather Channel app isn’t always accurate. Shortly after I arrived the severe weather alarm went off in the nurse’s station. We were under a tornado warning. A funnel cloud had been spotted about 20 miles away.
I was instructed to wheel my dad into the hallway with the other residents to wait out the warning. I said a prayer for God to take care of us. Many of the residents in the nursing home cannot walk, including my dad. I was a little stressed about the situation but my dad sat there in his wheelchair calm as a cucumber. He said, “Well Stace, I guess if we blow away we will go together. Hold my hand.” His comment made me laugh and cry a little at the same time. Sometimes in the midst of the storm you experience multiple emotions all at once. And the storms I am referring to aren’t always tornado warnings.
The warning expired and we left the safety of the hallway and had dinner in the dining room. When I was about to leave for my 45-minute drive home, it started to downpour. Needless to say when I made it to my car I looked like a wet rat. I left at the worst possible time. I could barely see the road. Cars passed me with lights flashing. And I had a flashback from a long time ago driving in a similar situation in the rain. I had just called off my wedding to my college sweetheart and was driving home from Cleveland after retrieving my belongings from the apartment that would have been our first home together. I left my engagement ring on the bar and left behind a person who was offering me a beautiful life together as husband and wife. I didn’t want it. I wasn’t ready. I was scared to death to stay and scared to death to leave but I left. And I drove straight into a storm that sometimes feels to have lasted nearly 19 years straight now. I chose to drive into the world of the unknown instead of staying in the security of my relationship. I had to find out who I was. And I took the scenic route.
I have often wondered when the day might come when I might feel like I had driven full circle. Storms don’t last forever. They are rarely constant even, usually scattered. There are periods of sunshine and stillness in between the periods of strong winds and turmoil. And then there are days when you realize you made it through the worst of it and possibly even the best of it. Because no experiences in life are ever wasted good or bad. Their purpose is to grow you. And the gratitude in my heart that I feel for God watching over me every step of the way when I told Him I needed to do it MY way is the best feeling I could ever imagine. It feels just like my dad telling me to “hold my hand…if we blow away we will go together.” God has always been holding my hand too. Today I had the first true feeling in my heart that I had made it through.
The winds will inevitably blow again but I am thankful to know that God’s love carries me through it.
Blessings,
Stacey ~ iamalive
