Thanks ~ by W.S. Merwin
Listen
with the night falling we are saying thank you
we are stopping on the bridges to bow from the railings
we are running out of the glass rooms
with our mouths full of food to look at the sky
and say thank you
we are standing by the water looking out
in different directions
back from a series of hospitals back from a mugging
after funerals we are saying thank you
after the news of the dead
whether or not we knew them we are saying thank you
in a culture up to its chin in shame
living in the stench it has chosen we are saying thank you
over telephones we are saying thank you
in doorways and in the backs of cars and in elevators
remembering wars and the police at the back door
and the beatings on stairs we are saying thank you
in the banks that use us we are saying thank you
with the crooks in office with the rich and fashionable
unchanged we go on saying thank you thank you
with the animals dying around us
our lost feelings we are saying thank you
with the forests falling faster than the minutes
of our lives we are saying thank you
with the words going out like cells of the brain
with the cities growing over us like the earth
we are saying thank you faster and faster
with nobody listening we are saying thank you
we are saying thank you and waving
dark though it is
(From Rain in the Trees, 1988)
I read Anne Lamott’s book Traveling Mercies yesterday. The above poem was the epigraph in her book and once I read it I was completed sucked in. It is not very often that I have the patience to sit and read an entire book in one day but I could not put it down. It is Anne’s journey of finding faith and everything that went along with it. It was published in 1999 but if you haven’t read it and enjoy memoir style, I recommend it.
So my topic is giving thanks…even through the darkness. Not so long ago I wouldn’t have even known what that meant. As I have been on this journey walking closer with God every day, my faith is growing. It is seeing me through the darkest of times. I KNOW I am going to be okay no matter what happens to me because God has a plan for me so much greater than my own.
If you have been stopping by here for a while you know about my Laundromat saga. It can be challenging to find time to go and rather inconvenient. I started my new job and since I was going to be making a bit more money, I finally scheduled with my apartment management to have a washer and dryer installed last week. I figured I could afford the extra cost of water and electricity to run them now. I was off work Friday so I scheduled the install then. They are coin-operated machines so I still must scrounge for quarters but it will be so much more convenient than going to the Laundromat every week. (However I do get a lot of writing inspiration while there it seems!) After the maintenance men left I danced around my apartment like it was Christmas. I felt extremely blessed and I couldn’t wait to do laundry later that evening!
A few hours later I received a call from my new employer. The representative explained that they had decided I was “not a good fit” and they had decided to not move forward with me. In short, I was fired. I had worked there for four days total and was in training…not yet doing any real work on my own, mainly observing. I have no explanation as to why they made this decision. Not a good fit? That could mean a million different things. I felt like I was catching on and I was looking forward to this coming week when I would be doing things other than watching and taking notes. Needless to say it was a shock when I received that call. I have never been let go from a job in my life and I have been in the workforce full time since 1996. The manager there did not even attempt to talk to me. (I never had one conversation with her period which was odd anyway). I had to sign a confidentiality agreement during pre-employment so I will not share any details about this company…although it doesn’t really matter now. The job was just not meant for me.
So now what?
As I was trying to sort through what happened I fell back on this verse…”The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.” ~ Job 1:21
Amen!
I have been taking a class at church to see where I might fit in as far as serving. We took a spiritual gifts test and my number one gift is FAITH. My faith is stronger than it has ever been so this didn’t surprise me or upset me as it would have in the past. I did feel a punch in the gut when I received that call. I felt the desperate feeling of rejection. I went over it in my head again and again…”what did I do wrong?” I couldn’t figure it out. But you know what? It doesn’t matter and I am not sure I am supposed to understand. Rejection IS God’s protection. The entire ordeal of leaving my perfectly fine job…to go to a place that seemed on paper like a much better opportunity…to getting fired after only four days after I started…is a launch pad to something greater. I feel this to my core. It might appear messed up on the outside to others but I KNOW I am going to be okay. Even in the darkness. Even in the not knowing.
I went to the library and checked out Traveling Mercies after my washer/dryer were installed Friday afternoon. It jumped out at me as I browsed the aisles. And about an hour later I received the phone call that I am unemployed. I prayed Saturday and I read a book that truly inspired me. The Merwin poem alone gave me peace. Tomorrow I will start my job search. And maybe I will sit in front of my new coin operated washer/dryer seeking writing inspiration as I have been doing at the Laundromat for a year or so. (Sounds silly but I like to stick with what works. 🙂 )
Life is a series of mountains and valleys. One great thing happened and one not so great thing happened…all within a matter of a few hours. But I do have a lot to be grateful for…and I’m still smiling. All I can say is…
Thank You. Thank you.
Blessings,
Stacey ~ iamalive
(I appreciate the prayers in my job search! Also, the subscribe option and comments issues on my page should be resolved soon…I will update when they are working again. Thank you for the support and have a great week!)
