The Seal of Promise - I Am Alive

It is snowing this morning here in the midwest…winter is telling us it is not ready to say goodbye just yet. Thankfully, I am home from work today not because of the snow but because it is also a holiday. I feel like it is a “snow day” though and it brings back memories of when I was a kid and school was cancelled. Oh what joyous days those were! Drinking hot chocolate with the mini marshmallows, sitting by the fireplace, bundling up in 15 layers and heading out into the neighborhood with friends to build a snowman and make snow angels and most importantly sledding! I will not be going out to play in the snow today however, because as I have grown older, I detest being cold! BUT I can enjoy looking out the window watching the beautiful flakes falling and daydreaming. I still have that happy feeling of just being glad to be at home with no need to go anywhere today. My plans are to drink coffee, cuddle with my cats under my electric blanket and WRITE.

Thank you God for this day!!! 🙂

I am inspired to write this entry because of several factors I have experienced in the last week, including personal quandaries (as usual 😉 ), a GREAT movie that I saw last night called Old Fashioned and last but certainly not least, the sermon at church yesterday morning. I’m going to TRY my best to tie it all in together into a thoughtful and hopefully meaningful message. If you read my blog regularly you know that I have nothing to hide. I am very open and I share my heart for everyone to see. Not because I want attention or adoration (I do NOT like being the center of attention in “real life” AT ALL!!!) but because I feel in my heart that God has called me to do this to help others in my own small way. We are ALL going through something! You might stumble upon one of my messages and think “wow, this is exactly what I am going through!”…or you might think “huh? What the heck is she talking about?!?” 🙂 and it might not mean much at all. My hope at the very least is by sharing my own experiences, others might see things they are going through with a different or new perspective. By talking and sharing we learn more about ourselves which helps us grow.

My “personal quandaries” that I mentioned have to do with the opposite sex…as they more than occasionally do! I have made it CLEAR that I am NOT actively searching for a mate at this time in my life. I have been working on myself since July 2013. And by saying that, I mean that I am learning to love myself and enjoy my own company without the constant NEED to be fulfilled by the companionship of a partner. YES!!! I want to be in a loving, secure, happy, positive, nurturing relationship again! Sharing experiences with someone you love makes life so much sweeter! BUT until you love yourself FIRST and truly enjoy your own company…I believe that you cannot be in a completely healthy relationship with another person. I believe that if you are not happy with yourself, you tend to cling to someone else for security and happiness which more times than not leads to being let down or even heartbreak. But once you are happy with YOU as an individual and consider yourself your own best friend, you will not want to be in a relationship anymore to avoid loneliness but instead you will be in it to help bring out the BEST in each other in every way possible because you are already the BEST on your own. If your relationship ended for some reason out of your control you would know that your life would go on…although you loved your partner and will miss them…your happiness does not come solely from that other persons existence. This might sound sad to some of you…but to those who are SECURE with themselves will “get it.” I am starting to get it. Relationships are meant to enhance your life…not make it harder.

I met someone recently. And as I mentioned…I was not looking, he found me. When men have contacted me during the last 1.5 years I ALWAYS ask myself…is this the one sent by GOD??? Or is this another test??? I checked him out as best as I could and I just had a “feeling” that he had good intentions, so I met him for a date. We talked for 6 weeks. Everyday. We had a VERY good experience when we did meet and we continued to talk afterwards and started planning another date. But then EVERYTHING changed. He went on vacation with “a family member” (cough cough) and I never heard from him again. That was when I realized I was only an option to this person. I enjoyed talking to him but when it was over I took it for what it was and I was okay!!! God did not want that person in my life, and I am okay with that. I am only looking forward. I trust Him to only bring me the one I deserve AND the one who deserves me. Again, I will wait with an open heart and an open mind but in the meantime…I will be totally content on my own, living my life. Goodbye Edward! I wish you the best.

I receive random messages on Facebook from men. Some are friends from school…some are people who have become friends over the years and I have not met them in “real life.” These people that check up on me are an interesting bunch. I am not going to go into details about all of this here (read my book! 🙂 ) but I often wonder about the intentions of some of these people. Why contact someone you haven’t seen in 20 years? Why contact someone you have never met? Just because I am SINGLE does not mean I am interested in talking to every man on the planet!!! Not that every man on the planet is contacting me! Social media has just made it very easy to create “fake relationships” in my opinion. I do not feel that these are all Godly relationships. Yes, I do believe you meet everyone for a reason, but that doesn’t mean all of those people have your best interests at heart. Thank you “Maverick” for proving that to me this weekend. I really do not know your TRUE intentions but my GUT tells me everything I need to know. Maybe someday we will have that drink but the timing right now is NOT God’s timing. Glad I made you laugh at least.

And then there is my “bad penny” (sorry David) who keeps coming back. I mention you by name because you have said it is okay. I REALLY appreciate your gestures. You have a GOOD heart. And I KNOW you care deeply. Thank you!!! Not too many people truly care about me like you do so I am blessed to have you in my life. But scroll back to what I wrote about above. I do not think you are truly ready to be in a relationship. You are still in the phase of learning to love yourself. It is a difficult road but it is a very rewarding and fulfilling one once you cross the bridge. Once you truly give your life over to God and let him take the wheel. Yes, that is cliche but honestly it is so true. Once you stop questioning everything and just let go, everything will fall into place. No more excuses. Do it for YOU!!! You are one of my dearest and best friends and no matter what I will always wish the best for you and I pray that you will be happy again someday, SOON. But I am NOT your savior. Thank you for the BBQ ribs and well, for just being you!

Oh, and I neglected to mention my college “sweetie” who contacted me recently. It was good to hear from you and since you said I didn’t mention you in my blog…I am now. I have always wanted the best for you and now for you and your family. I only have GOOD memories of our time together. I hope that is what you remember now too. College was the absolute BEST time of my life! You were a huge part of it. GO CATS lol I know you were upset with me back then but I am just happy that you are happy NOW! I am totally envious of your travels but I still detest cold weather where you live…so it was all for the best. God had a different plan for both of us. Happy early #labordave weekend to you 😉

Okay, those are some of my very personal “quandaries” as of late…and I know I only gave highlights and some of you are thinking “huh?” again 🙂 …but maybe, just maybe you will see that the dilemmas in your own lives aren’t as crazy as they seem. We all have STUFF! Choosing to look at them from a positive perspective and learning from them helps us grow. I am all about learning and growing. I wish there was some book on how to get through life without stumbling and falling. But honestly, the stumbling and falling leads us to the good parts. It leads us to ourselves. It helps us realize what we are made of and it helps us understand our purpose. It leads us closer to God. I am thankful for all of my “scars and bruises”…they are my wisdom wounds.

Last night I went to the movies with my best friend to see Old Fashioned. The big hit at the box office this Valentine’s weekend is Fifty Shades of Grey which honestly I have zero desire to see. Instead we chose to see what I would call easily one of the most ROMANTIC movies I had ever seen in my life!!! The pace was a bit slow but it complimented the storyline and it was fantastic. I do not want to spoil this movie because I want you guys to go see it! My first question after watching this film was “Why can’t I find a man like him???” The lead character, Clay, believed in old fashioned courtship. He had not always been that way but something CHANGED him in his past and after he had been changed he could never go back to just “normal dating” ever again. Dating just for the sake of dating. Dating without the intention to marry. He found himself in a bit of a dilemma himself when Amber came along. She was a free spirit and had never met a man like him before. All I will say is that it ended very well (besides me boo-hooing my eyes out in the theater 😉 ) and it is a testament to the idea of waiting on God’s timing and for HIM to bring the right one into your life when you are READY. (I LOVED THIS MOVIE!!!)

I look FORWARD to going to church every Sunday. I spend time with God everyday but there is something so special about showing up at the same place and worshipping with familiar faces at the same hour every week with others who have the same outlook and desire to walk with Him as I do. My heart fills with so much love and peace especially during the 30 minutes of worship music. There are no hymn books. Instead there are guitars, drums and believers with amazing voices who just plain rock out…and so does the audience. I only sing loudly in 3 places…my car, a Dave Matthews Band concert and church. So please bring ear plugs if you join me at any of these events because I was not blessed with a beautiful voice to say the least! God doesn’t care about that thankfully! The message yesterday was from Ephesians 1:13-14. I do not normally quote scripture but I feel the need to do so here.

“And you also were included in Christ when you heard the message of truth, the gospel of your salvation. When you believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession – to the praise of his glory.”

Basically this is saying that if you want to be happy, you must understand and accept the Holy Spirit as a seal of promise of God’s love. A couple of years ago I wouldn’t have understood what that meant. Yes, I was baptized in the Presbyterian Church when I was a baby and I grew up in that church. But that doesn’t mean I had a relationship with or truly felt the presence of the Holy Spirit. I was just going through the motions. I zoned out during the sermon and got basically nothing out of it. Now I crave to learn more and listen intently every week.

I do not know if you can CHOOSE to be marked by this seal of his promise. For me it happened when my life was at rock bottom and it was all I had left. I TRULY felt the spirit within me and always with me like never before and it is still there. It is like a gift. It is a GUARANTEE that no matter what life throws at me, I am going to be okay, always. Isn’t that an amazing thing? Yes, I have bad days and I lose that faith sometimes but deep down I KNOW it is always there for me. Kind of like in the movie Old Fashioned…I was CHANGED and I walk by faith similar to Clay…knowing in my heart that I can never settle again for less than what He wants for me. What a blessing it is to FINALLY know my worth.

I hope that you realize your worth too. We are all worthy in the eyes of God. Everyday is a blessing. Don’t take life for granted. Enjoy the snow through the window….and if you don’t mind being cold, go make a snow angel! Send a long lost friend a message just to let them know you are thinking about them and that you care. But most importantly take care of YOU. Be true to yourself and be happy with who you are…a unique one of a kind individual who has so much to offer once you realize it for yourself.

Psalm 118:24

This is the day the Lord has made; We will rejoice and be glad in it.

Have a blessed day!

Stacey ~ iamalive

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