This picture is how life feels to me sometimes. I keep wiping away the mess but I still can’t see the road ahead. All will be revealed exactly when it’s supposed to be. Right?
Those were my deep thoughts while sitting at the car wash today. 🙂
Genesis 22:9 “When they reached the place God had told him about, Abraham built an altar there and arranged the wood on it. He bound his son Isaac and laid him on the altar, on top of the wood.”
That is obedience. Abraham listened to God and fully trusted. He was willing to sacrifice his only son. And at the last moment God blessed him for obeying.
When I read that scripture I wonder if I would be TRULY willing to make such a sacrifice. Am I TRULY willing to trust God at all costs? Not so long ago I would have said no way. But as I walk further along in this journey I am realizing that trusting God is all I have. It is all He wants. I am not supposed to be sitting around waiting and wondering about what I should or shouldn’t be doing or what is going to happen to me because He already has it planned out. It is already a done deal. My job is to take it day by day as it comes and make the most of what I have where I am at in this moment.
It is a RELIEF to think this way. I am not 100% there yet and might not ever be totally but it sure feels good to be on the positive side on most days.
I mentioned a few entries ago about the “worst year of my life” being 2011. I say that because when I look back at that year I didn’t like the person looking back at me in the mirror at all. I was a lost soul making wrong turns left and right. I was looking for love in all the wrong places. I trusted people from my past that I knew I shouldn’t have. I dabbled in a synthetic drug a few times that I knew nothing about with “friends”…it was dangerous and could have killed me. I did a lot of other stupid things that I’m not going to mention but I’m completely embarrassed about. I was just plain lost with no direction and I started selling my material items and put my house on the market. I had no plan, I just wasn’t happy. I signed up for every dating site imaginable. I felt more alone than I ever had in my entire life.
Ironically that was the year I had the best job I ever had. My company sent me to Germany and I had a lot of responsibility and was paid very well. I lived in a very nice condo and I had everything I needed and wanted and then some. I had a bright future ahead of me. Yet I had an overwhelming feeling that I was lacking something. I was completely empty inside. I was reaching out for “something” to fill the emptiness every place imaginable and still not obtaining “it.” Then I met my second husband…I thought he was “it.” That is another entry altogether but that’s when God began to move in my life. That is when I began to CHOOSE to see Him again. I had pushed Him away for so many years. All I had needed to do all along was realize He was right there with me and trust in Him again.
I was asleep back then. It is amazing how your entire perspective changes when you wake up. I am AWAKE now. I was searching for happiness in places it could never be found. Today my happiness comes from simply asking God how He wants to use me each day. My job is to be obedient and to trust.
Genesis 22:14 “So Abraham called that place The Lord Will Provide. And to this day it is said, “On the mountain of the Lord it will be provided.”
Amen.
And when that mountain doesn’t move, I wait. I trust in You.
Blessings,
Stacey ~ iamalive
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