I do not have a personal Facebook account anymore. But back when I created one I remember using the above quote in the bio section when asked, “What is your favorite quote?” It has been the theme to my entire life pretty much. I don’t write about much of the deep, dark things here that I have overcome from my past…usually only touching the surface. But I will eventually because it is therapeutic to share those things. Sharing requires bravery, vulnerability, and humility…tough STUFF.
We have all dealt with STUFF. Some have been through more bad experiences than others. Some things were beyond their control. Some people are born into abusive situations. Some people are born into poverty. Some people are born into situations of mental illness. Some people grow up without a mother or a father or both. Some people are born with challenging birth defects. Some people question their sexuality. Some people are handling the aftermaths of rape, incest, physically debilitating challenges from war, car accidents, innocent bystanders of shootings, etc. The list is endless.
My list includes a couple of those things. My list is more emotionally destructive than physically. The thing about having a list of STUFF is that you at some point can make a conscious choice to forgive the past or the situation you have been handed and make the best of it. I could have reverted to alcohol or drug abuse. I could have gambled or cut myself or hid from my pain in a multitude of ways. I have done some destructive things to survive and mask my pain. Most of my survival tactics involved losing myself in relationships with men who didn’t truly value me. Now I realized I allowed that to happen because I didn’t value myself. My self worth was at about $0 for many, many years.
I don’t think most of us realize we are hiding from our pain until we hit rock bottom. My rock bottom happened on July 1, 2013 when my second husband walked out of our marriage and I was left to make a choice. It required more strength than I ever imagined I was capable of mustering but I dug deep (when I realized God was FOR ME). It was not easy. It took a long time. I am still getting there to be honest. One day at a time.
I accompanied my friend to a gay bar last night to watch a drag show. She is doing research for graduate school and I realized once I was there that it could be good research for me too as I am growing in my faith. We stopped at a regular bar before going to the gay bar and to be honest the straight bar was the place I felt more out of place! It was crowded and loud and alcohol was flowing. I was never much into the bar scene although I did go on occasion in the past. But since I have been on this walk growing in my faith…it is rare for me to find myself in a situation where the main goal is to socialize and get hammered. It surprised me…I felt like I was on another planet there. No exaggeration…it reminded me of the first time I landed in Japan and experienced culture shock for the first time! But at the gay bar I felt welcome and safe. HOW IRONIC, RIGHT? It is a place that accepts everyone just as they are. And I KNOW without even having one conversation with anyone there…most were without doubt overcomers of extreme obstacles. Not all but many people at the crowded bar where I felt uncomfortable earlier in the night were people most likely still in hiding, drowning in alcohol, pretending.
I noticed a pattern at the drag show. Most of the performances were to songs about survival, realizing inner beauty, finding strength, and overcoming. Oh how I relate! I might lose a few “Christian readers” after this post because I was truthful about patronizing a gay bar. If someone has a problem with that, it isn’t my concern. I believe we are all Gods’ children doing the best we can. I am learning that it is not for ME to judge people. That is up to God. My job is to love others right where they are no matter what they have done or might do. My job is to remain faithful and keep fighting the good fight.
2 Timothy 4:6-8 “As for me, my life has already been poured out as an offering to God. The time of my death is near. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, and I have remained faithful. And now the prize awaits me – the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will give me on the day of his return. And the prize is not just for me but for all who eagerly look forward to his appearing.”
We are all doing the best we can. Be strong!
Blessings,
Stacey ~ iamalive