I sometimes post silly pictures on Instagram referring to being an introvert. The memes make light of something that has been difficult for me to deal with since I can remember. I LOVE who I am and where I am going in life now. I don’t want to change myself…but I want to continue to become the best version of me possible. This process requires letting go of some of the comforts I cling to.
My day job has been laboratory work since 1998. It is my safety net. I can always find a job in the field doing something as a “lab rat” because I have A LOT of random experience. I have analyzed wastewater samples. I have analyzed soil samples. I have performed quality testing on steel tubing. I have monitored an E-coat paint system. I obtained Class B and Class II wastewater treatment licenses and am capable of working in industrial or municipal settings treating waste that is to be disposed into the sewer system (GLAMOROUS I KNOW!). I can analyze raw materials using x-ray fluorescence and X-ray diffraction instrumentation. I can run and ICP for minerals analysis. I can do distillations, extractions, titrations, colorimetric analysis, calibrate pH meters and ion selective probes, set up auto samplers in manholes or industrial sites and so on. That is just SOME of my experience off the top of my head from my resume.
The problem with all of that experience is I do not ENJOY that line of work much anymore. It is not fulfilling. I am not helping others in a way I desire to, I am only helping myself. It has paid the bills and gets me by but it is not my passion. It doesn’t excite me…yet it is my comfortable place. I am not thriving doing that line of work, financially or spiritually. And NOW God has closed a door. (Since I have been stalling and too chicken to make a major change on my own). I think He has been telling me to make a move for a good while now…however I have been content to remain in my comfortable place and complain about not being “happy” with my situation.
Stepping out of my comfort zone in my work setting is one thing but a whole different discussion when it comes to my personal life. I have enjoyed the last 2.5 years of soul searching, being single, and spending time with ME. But I am to the point where sometimes I think it would be refreshing to have some company occasionally…the male kind. (EEK!) 😉 But as I told my friend yesterday…the thought of making new friends of the opposite sex terrifies me. Is my faith strong enough yet to not revert back to my old ways if I meet someone new? I would like to think so. I pray about it often.
Going to the straight bar followed by the gay bar last Friday with my friend (as a favor because she wanted a companion on her first time there for her research study)…was a BIG step out of my comfort zone. Thursday night I did something even scarier and took a Swing Dance class! (Same friend. If you prefer to be in hiding like a hermit as I do, don’t make good friends with someone half your age…they FORCE you out of your comfort zone before you know what has happened!) Dancing in front of strangers TERRIFIES ME! I took ballet lessons in elementary school. I was on a dance team in junior high (only because all of my friends were too) but I was not confident at all. I don’t have natural rhythm or coordination so dancing make me overly self conscious. Today when I go to concerts, or during worship at church even, I tend to sway around in my little area. My first husband was a dancing fool up and down the aisles and I acted like I didn’t know him! I give him credit now for not caring what others thought though. It is definitely a quality I am striving for today.
My walk with Christ relates to this too. As someone who prefers not to have a lot of attention…I struggle with how much to share and why I am doing it in the first place. But as a follower of Christ I am learning it is my responsibility to show others what God is doing in my life. I am not a speaker so I don’t get into heavy conversations about faith with people typically (unless they are really close friends) so my way of sharing is through writing. I can’t stop now…I made a commitment. I am all in. Comfortable or not…here I am.
And it is important to me to share because the more I read God’s word the more I realize how important this responsibility is. I am not going to type out the entire passage but Matthew 24:36-51 jumped off the page at me today. It is about being prepared for the return of Christ. It is about being obedient at ALL TIMES because we have no idea when He is coming. If you are living a hypocrite lifestyle there is a very good chance you will be left behind. Verse 51 “He will cut him to pieces and assign him a place with the hypocrites, where there will be weeping an gnashing of teeth.”
Whoa!!!
Stepping out in faith and truly honoring my calling, doing something DIFFERENT in areas of my life where I feel stuck (job), writing my story, or even taking a dance class to help me gain confidence are all things that are pulling me out of my comfort zone and into a place of preparation to honor God. As I become a faithful servant I gain the confidence I need to ask Him to “bring on the fire!” Being ready takes courage. And with courage anything is possible.
Decisions are hard. Change is hard. But life is short. You never know when your time is up. We must decide to change or stay stuck. Time to try different.
Blessings,
Stacey ~ iamalive