Who Am I?

When I was a kid I remember looking at myself in the mirror and wondering, “who am I?” I had so many questions. I made so many observations. I had weird thoughts in my head and I didn’t understand exactly where they came from. It was all confusing and a bit scary, but I knew there was something special about me.

I had 10 fingers and 10 toes and my mom told me how she counted them when I was born to make sure I was okay. I had long brown hair and greenish blue eyes. I was quiet and shy, but when I spoke my words came out with a southern drawl. Why do I look like this? Why do I talk like this? Why am I here with this set of parents? WHO AM I???

And then I grew up. I got busy living my life and I stopped asking questions. Slowly I started to fade away. I stopped making an effort in school. I stopped nurturing my friendships with other girls my age. I started dating guys who treated me like a piece of meat and didn’t respect my body or my mind. I began to hate myself. That little girl with all the questions was long gone and the person who emerged was a stranger.

As a young adult, this stranger continued to cater to men who didn’t respect her. The more she threw herself into the wrong relationships the more she lost herself. She morphed into the girl “he” wanted because she didn’t even know what she wanted in the first place. She spent all of her time, money, emotions on “him” and in return she got a broken heart and a headache from crying her eyes out almost every single day.

“Why doesn’t HE love me?”

“Why am I not good enough?”

“What do I need to do different?”

“What’s wrong with me?”

That stranger doesn’t exist anymore. She is dead and buried along with her insecurity, self doubt, and negative outlook. And she doesn’t allow other people with those same traits to get the best of her. She has changed and she prays they will too someday.

But until then, she dusts herself off on the hard days and she keeps moving onward. She is still confused about some things but she KNOWS who she is now. She is God’s special little girl and always will be. There is NOTHING wrong with her no matter what “they” say. She is loved more than she can comprehend and she doesn’t need to do ANYTHING different to receive that love.

She is the woman she was born to be and nobody can take that away.

Who are you?

Blessings,

Stacey ~ iamalive