I have known for my entire life that I am different! Different on the inside and on the outside.
There are just certain things about ME that I have had trouble figuring out. For example, I have never known what color my eyes are! My mom had green eyes and my Dad has blue eyes…I think mine are a mixture. I remember getting my drivers license when I turned 16 and they asked for my eye color and I told them it was green because that is what my mom always told me! I guess she wanted them to be the same color as hers. But as I grew older friends, coworkers, boyfriends etc. told me I had blue eyes. I argued with them! But then I took a closer look…maybe they are blue? I still do not know.
I have had the same problem with other outward appearances like my shoe size and my height. Do I wear a 7 or a 7.5 size shoe? Am I 5’3 1/2″ or am I 5’4″? Is my hair color blonde? Brown? Or more lately, grey? 😉
These outward appearances that shape my identity are confusing enough but the differences on the inside can sometimes feel even more confusing.
I have always had this feeling deep inside me that I had a deeper calling in my life and that I am different. I could never explain it or even attempt to understand it myself…it was just a feeling. Why do I not “fit in” in school, church or work settings? Or even with my own family? Yes, I am quiet, introverted and reserved around strangers but it goes beyond that. It always bothered me. But NOW I realize that the differences are what set me apart. God has not wanted me to follow the crowd and blend in. And now I am proud of being different instead of ashamed or confused.
If you can relate, then you are not alone. Usually the ones who do not blend in with the crowd end up being the ones God chooses to do His work.
I never desired to have the white picket fence and the 2.5 kids (although I would have been a good mom!) I have felt like I missed out on not having a family of my own…I will be honest, but I also felt in my heart there was a greater calling for me. Not a better calling than raising a family because families are a blessing!!! BUT it never happened for me. God did not want that plan for my life. So I had to try and understand why.
What I wanted (and still want) is to be happy on my own terms and not the terms society has placed on me. I remember and old high school boyfriend messaged me on Facebook several years ago. He told me he was married and had a couple of kids and that he was happy. When I explained my situation…that I was in my late 30s at that time, divorced and no children…he told me he thought that was sad and that he felt sorry for me. I could have let that bother me but I didn’t because I wasn’t sad. It actually made me laugh. I remember telling him that the life he had was not meant for me for some reason and that God has a different plan for me (and He does).
I believe we all have special gifts and we are all here to make a difference in the world in our own unique ways. It might be by raising children…the little people who are our future. Or it might be by tweeting 100 inspirational quotes on Twitter everyday. Whatever the case, let us celebrate our differences and not follow the crowd. If you blaze your own trail you never know where it might lead.
In the end, you are the only person responsible for your happiness and for fulfilling your own dreams and desires. Today my eyes look green. Tomorrow they might look blue! And you know what? I am okay with that.
Change equals growth. Yeah, I might have a few more grey hairs now than I did 10 years ago but I like to think of them as wisdom hairs. 🙂
Celebrate your differences…you are unique!
Stacey ~ iamalive41