Do you ever feel like you are just driving in circles and not going anywhere? Lately, I am feeling like this all of the time. Today on my lunch break I reached my breaking point and experienced some major road rage. I wanted to make a left turn onto a busy street and the stream of traffic seemed endless. I made a right and thought I would go around the block and come out at a light but there was no light. I ended up making another right turn and this cycle continued for what felt like forever and I became furious. In that moment I cursed out loud and tears began to flow down my face. I just wanted to make it to my destination so I could sit in peace for the little amount of time I had left on my lunch break but instead I was driving around in circles!
In that moment it hit me…I wasn’t mad at the road…I was letting out all of my frustrations for everything else that had been building up inside of me for a couple of weeks. I have been allowing stress to begin to consume me. My major challenge is not being able to make any important decisions with moving forward with my life. My anxiety has been in overdrive and has given me a headache that has lasted for several days. By trying to control everything I am instead losing control of everything.
I look at hundreds of quotes every week to post on my Twitter, Instagram and Facebook and of course I tend to save the ones that actually mean something to me currently or have in the past. Here are a few that I keep focusing on:
“Don’t let your struggle become your identity” ~ unknown
I relate to this because I feel like this state of seemingly everlasting limbo (my struggle) that I have been in going on for two years now is how I tend to identify myself most of the time.
“Don’t be bullied by your own thoughts” ~ unknown
Negative self talk…we all do it and I fight it on a daily basis.
And then there is this one:
“You’re only in this indecisive state because you haven’t chosen which parallel reality you want to step into. And until you decide, it is okay to be in this space.” ~ Sue Krebs
I have read that one over and over again. It is as if someone (Sue Krebs?) is telling me that it is okay to not make a decision about anything just yet. It gives me a feeling of peace (yet I am still impatient).
I have been making more of an effort to spend time with my Bible. The positive quotes give me a boost and make me think…but the word of God gives me inner peace.
Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do and he will show you which path to take.”
That is the scripture I keep going back to…the one that keeps me going.
I do not know how many people actually read my blog. I know I have a handful of family and friends who check in on me here. And I know I have a handful of loyal followers on social media…and I am so humbled from all of the support. And maybe that is WHY God isn’t giving me answers just yet. If I wasn’t struggling with things I might not have much to write about! Ha! 🙂 We all need something to relate to in order to understand ourselves…at least I do. If I am being used as a tool in this small way then I am going to continue as long as I am able. I am going to continue to TRUST IN THE LORD and TRY VERY HARD to not depend on my own understanding. And my hope is that with whatever you are struggling with in your life at this moment, you will do the same.
We are all called to be a light to others. Share your stories. Be a good listener. Be an encourager. Be a friend.
Matthew 5:14-16 “You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.”
The message as church Sunday was about humility. “The essence of gospel-humility is not thinking more of myself or thinking less of myself’ it is thinking of myself less.” ~ Tim Keller
When we step outside of our own heads and stop focusing only on ourselves, we become more aware which brings peace, not stress. I have been caught up in my own struggles and on a roller coaster of highs and lows since my last post. Life just has a way of doing that. The important thing is to take some time to slow down and find your center. My road rage today was my breaking point and I am not proud that I let myself get to that point but I am aware now. Even though sometimes it feels like I am just going in circles or caught in a storm, I’m not. God is in control.
Psalm 46:10 “Be still and know that I am God.”
Peace and blessings,
Stacey ~ iamalive