I Am Alive

If I only knew then what I know now…right??? It is never too late to begin living your life.

Listen to that little voice inside.

Blessings,

Stacey ~ iamalive

So, like I said earlier this month…when I say I am going to write the chances that I am going to write consistently are slim. But I am back, today.

I attended a women’s leadership conference in Nashville on 11/9 and 11/10. Since I have returned home I have been digesting everything I heard those two days and trying to figure out how it applies to my life right now. Mainly, it was a kick in the butt to remember what I need to be focused on intentionally every single day. And that ONE thing is Jesus. Nothing much else matters. But even after all of the listening and learning and soaking it all in…I still feel blah and depressed without much energy. I did absolutely nothing yesterday besides take a nap and eat. I go back to my old ways and forget so quickly. (Depression ain’t fun y’all).

This morning I woke up intending to go to church. That will make me feel better, right? I showered and took my time and piddled around and the next thing I knew it was 15 minutes until the service started. No way I could make it on time so I didn’t go to early church. Instead I curled up in a ball on the floor. While lying there I had the idea that I needed to get off of social media for the rest of the year. It can be a major distraction for me if I allow it to be and I certainly do allow it sometimes. Maybe that is what I need to focus on? Unfocusing on social media???

I was in the middle of texting my friend to tell her what I was planning to do and my phone turned off. Do you know what I mean? Have you ever been in the middle of typing a message and the screen goes black and the phone seems to reboot all by itself? It is soooooo annoying! Well, when this happened to me today I was mad for a split second. Then when it turned back on my battery was at 41%. Do ya’ll know what the number 41 means to me? It is my angel number and when I see it I take it as God telling me to trust him and to keep moving forward.

Wow. Okay God, so you don’t want me to take a break from social media although I feel like I am suffocating? What DO you want me to do??? I literally raised my hands and asked this question out loud. Then I noticed the bracelet I am wearing on my left arm.

I am wearing a bracelet on my left arm because at the conference one of our leaders asked us to remove either our watch or bracelet we were wearing and place it on the opposite arm. Ya’ll know how awkward that feels if you have ever done this, right? So she asked us to continue to wear it on the arm that is uncomfortable until Thanksgiving as a constant reminder to remain steadfast and to live vertically. “A mind governed by the spirit leads to life and peace.” My bracelet on the wrong arm is a reminder to keep my focus upward. Ah ha! That is what he wants me to do.

So I got up. I am going to late church and then I am going to go visit my dad at the nursing home. And I am not going to give up today. And I am going to take each day as it comes and tackle it when I get there.

What am a grateful for today? Cell phones that mysteriously turn off when I’m typing a “I am giving up message.” Awkward feeling bracelets. Strong women in my life who encourage me. Coffee. Laughter. Jesus.

Watch for signs you guys.

Blessings,

Stacey ~ iamalive

 

Isn’t it funny how there are some people in your life that you can go months or YEARS without seeing or talking to but when you reconnect it is like no time has passed? You just pick up right where you left off without thinking twice about it.

And isn’t it funny how there are other people who come into your life like a tornado and turn your world upside down? You have to wonder how you made it all of your life without them. But as quickly as they came in they are gone. You are strangers once again. You will likely never see or talk to them again. But they changed your life forever.

I love both of these types of people. I have learned that not everyone who enters my life is meant to stay around forever. Sometimes I have held on too long because it was so hard to let go. But eventually I realized they played a small but pivotal part in my journey, turning me in a different direction. And as for the lifetime people…you are my family.

Blessings,

Stacey ~ iamalive

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

I have been guilty for a long time (maybe all of my life) for always seeking the next thing and never being content with the here and now. My thinking is always off to the future…someday and somewhere else. Whenever this or that happens, then I can start living my life.

The thing God has been teaching me for a couple of years now (I am slowly getting it because I am extremely stubborn) is that I cannot put things off in an unknown future. I don’t want to live in this town where I have lived all of my life but I am still here. I don’t want to work in the field I have been working in for 20 years but I am still clocking in every day. I don’t want to do a lot of things that I do. But I am where I am because God has put me here to learn something and to do something…right where I am now.

He has been orchestrating ALL of it and my eyes have been closed dreaming of the future when he has been shouting at me to open my eyes and see that I am right where I am supposed to be. I am guilty of being frustrated and thinking he has forgotten about me when all this time he has been all around me…in everything. It really is a relief when I think of it this way.

Having faith that he is in control, not me, brings me a feeling of peace and contentment. Continuing to follow his plan and see where it leads me.

Blessings,

Stacey ~ iamalive

I am lacking inspiration today but I thought this was a good one to share.

Blessings,

Stacey ~ iamalive

 

So many ideas today for this message but I keep coming back to the song I heard this morning at church…Good Good Father by Chris Tomlin.I had this song on repeat back in 2015 and I used it for my year end video. I looked back at that video tonight and I was amazed at everything I did that year and how far I have come in my journey since then. It triggered some really good and some not so good memories.

If you know me, you know that I tend to take a lot of pictures. I do this mainly so I can remember because my memory is HORRIBLE. I seriously have nearly 19,000 pics on my phone at the moment to look back on. But looking back at the video of my 2015 highlights I remembered that I had a lot of regular days just hanging out with my cats, my dad, or with friends. I moved twice that year and I remember dealing with some severe depression at times…curled up on the tile floor in my new place barely functioning. But I also did some really cool and amazing things and felt tremendous joy at times. I deleted my Facebook account and went cold turkey which was totally an accident but probably the best thing I could have done at that time. I became a full fledged pescatarian and stopped eating meat. I took a 12 day road trip alone to North Carolina, Delaware, and Pennsylvania where I pitched my first book proposal at She Speaks and met Lysa Terkeurst, camped under the stars in the OBX, visited my German friend from college I hadn’t spent time with in years, and spent time with family at my niece’s wedding. I did a lot in 12 days! That year I also saw my favorite author Liz Gilbert speak in Nashville and later I won her Instagram photo contest and received an autographed copy of her latest book. I FINALLY sold the travel trailer leftover from my divorce. Wooooooo!!! And in December my family came to visit from PA and we took my dad out to the movies for his 80th birthday. That was such a special day!

So much has changed since then but in a way so much has stayed the same. I am looking forward to creating a new video at the end of 2017. Sometimes I feel like nothing important is happening in my life but when I look back at my memories, it is ALL important.

Push play and listen to these words. You can view my photos or close your eyes and remember what your life looked like two years ago. It probably looks nothing like mine did. And it likely looks nothing like it does today. You might be better off or you might be worse…but there is a purpose for all of it. You are loved and He knows exactly what you need.

He IS a good good Father!

Blessings,

Stacey ~ iamalive