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Perfect Love

I’ve been just going through the motions lately. Not only have I been skipping church, but when I do go I wonder why I am there. The message hasn’t been speaking to me for a good while. My life feels out of control regardless if I go to church or not. I am there…but I am not really THERE.

A couple of years ago I used to have what I call “God moments” quite frequently. Basically, I felt the Holy
Spirit on nearly a daily basis. Today, I don’t even remember what that feels like. I pray for a song to move me the way it used to. I pray for God to speak to me through the pastor on Sunday. I pray for a friend to read my mind and say just the right thing. I pray for a change. And mainly I just pray to feel again. I haven’t felt much of anything for several months now.

I have been called a victim. I have been told I am not a victim and to stop living as if I am one. And yesterday, someone told me I am a survivor. I think that sums up just about everything. It is not my fault. But then again, it is all my fault. And I have made it through all of it alive. No freaking wonder it is difficult to “feel” sometimes. I am human. I feel lost, alone, lonely, scared, unsure, angry, sad, resentful, ashamed, unhappy, and depressed a lot of the time. And I wonder if and when I will ever get my joy back.

The thing I realized today at church is that God meets us right where we are…no matter how we feel. If I am in a joyful state of mind…he shows up and gives me even more to be joyful about. If I am in a depressed state…he reminds me that things could be a lot worse and he shows me how blessed I am. He tells me to not be afraid and to just keep holding on becauseĀ I WILL feel again.

“You split the sea so I could walk right through it. My fears were drowned in perfect love. You rescued me and I will stand and sing…I am a child of God.”

I had my “God moment” today as I was singing this song. I didn’t expect it to happen… but he rescued me. He just met me right where I was.

His timing is perfect, just like his love.

Blessings,

Stacey ~ iamalive

 

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3 Replies to “Perfect Love”

    1. Thank..you. If really. Need. Answer they. Will come soon. Just. Pray.n. read. Word. Talk to. God likev another person. Of AIT. He vwill. Answer. When. Least. Excpect. I. Brleive. It. So

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