I complain about my “day job” a lot (don’t we all sometimes?) but really it is a nice job. I work with a great team of people yet for the most part I am by myself. I like my little work area. It is nice and quiet…sometimes too quiet though. There is a clock radio sitting at my work station that looks like it is about 20 years old but it keeps me company. Well sometimes. A lot of days I have a very difficult time tuning in my favorite station (KLOVE). Sometimes it is crystal clear and other times it is all static. I turn it upside down and sideways and blow on it just right trying to get my station tuned in but somedays it just doesn’t cooperate. Today was one of those days that I NEEDED to hear some uplifting music. I moved it every which way I could imagine but all I got was static. I was annoyed so I turned it off and groaned and moaned. I came back a bit later with more determination however. “I WILL conquer this 20 year old radio today!” I leaned it up against an object that I had never tried before and voila…crystal clear music was now blaring through the lab. It took a bit of luck and determination, but mostly realizing that I needed to try something I had never tried before was the key.
This holds true with so many things in life. Change is what keeps us moving forward. Sometimes you just have to flip the problem upside down and step out of your comfort zone in order to get the result you want. Sometimes this happens to us and it is not our choice. Experiences that are beyond our control CHANGE us. Choices that we make good or bad CHANGE us. Life just has a way of CHANGING us. Sometimes this change doesn’t seem to be a good kind of change at first glance but after you look back you realize everything you learned along the way. You have grown and matured and you better because of it. “When you come out of the storm you won’t be the person that walked in. That’s what the storm is all about.” -Haruki Murakami
I am in the process of making some changes which I hope will enhance my life. First, I am cleaning out my storage unit. I figured I can downsize what little “stuff” I have left and make room for it at my home. Plus, I can save that $50/month fee. In the process of going through my things I have been flooded with memories. If you have been reading my blog since I started you know I sold, donated and dumped most of my earthly belongings during my second marriage. I was following my now ex husbands dreams and got so depressed that I didn’t feel like dealing with my belongings anymore. I once had almost all of my childhood toys and books. All that is left now is a few Barbies and a partial can of Lincoln Logs. It makes me sad. Those things are gone and I cannot get them back. So I can choose to sit here and cry about it or I can move forward and at least cherish the memories. My Mom is looking down from Heaven at me frowning because I donated my first doll, Lolly. She is probably upset that I sold my Hope chest that she and my Dad bought me when I turned 13. She is probably upset that I sold my grandmothers pie safe and beautiful china. Or maybe she isn’t? Maybe she is proud of me for going through all of this and although I have lost all of my “stuff” I have come out stronger and know what is truly important now. I can choose to be a victim and blame my marriage for taking away all of my childhood memories or I can look at it as a lesson and move forward with a positive attitude. I am choosing the latter. (Although I backslide! It takes WORK to choose not to be the victim sometimes!) Besides, I am sure my ex probably thinks I took some things away from him as well. Not material things but maybe other things. I was not a perfect wife. He was not a perfect husband. We are all just learning as we go.
I receive so many sweet and encouraging messages on Twitter. I received a message from someone a few days ago that overwhelmed me. I cannot give details because I want to protect this persons identity but he/she told me that my quotes give much needed inspiration and have given him/her the boldness needed to take a very big, scary step. When I read messages like that I just stop and pray. Pray for God to give that person strength through their struggle and to give me the clarity and focus I need to continue this important job. That person could have remained stuck or “static” like my radio without ever creating any music. Instead he/she is flipping things around and stepping out of the comfort zone to blare the music!
I am stepping out of my comfort zone as well. My back has been hurting for a while. I have always slept on the left side of the bed…single or in a relationship. But this side of the bed is becoming uncomfortable. And I have had this bad habit lately of coming home and crawling under my electric blanket after work (I am miserable in the winter) and lying down on my left side…on the left side of the bed…just day dreaming about all of the things I want to do with my life. The stars are calling my name though…”Stacey, you gotta get up and get busy and write that book!” The thoughts are flowing through me all the time and I can barely get them all down on paper or even voice text them into my notes app on my phone before I forget. Post it notes, journals, apps, blog drafts, napkins…you name it, my thoughts are flowing everywhere. It is time to get down to business and make the change that is going to change my life. It is time to stop watching and start doing. It is time to flip things upside down. It is time to shine.
I don’t know if I will stay there all night but I know in the morning I’ll be waking up on the “right” side of the bed! I hope you do too! 🙂 Goodnight…