This time four years ago I was working for an international company as a laboratory coordinator. It was the best job I’d had up to that point in my career in the science field. I was making great money. I had excellent benefits. I owned my own home. I managed to take nice vacations. I traveled to Germany for work on one occasion. There was potential to move around at my current location or possibly transfer to another city or another country for that matter. It was my “dream job” and anyone looking at me from the outside would have probably thought I was doing quite well.
Well. I was not well. I was actually quite miserable. My work was not fulfilling. I watched the clock all day and I religiously came down with the Sunday night blues dreading to go to bed and start it all over again for yet another boring week. “There’s gotta be more to life than this, right?”
And then I met my second husband and decided to quit that dream job. He swept me off my feet and into a world of traveling to promote his music ministry. I didn’t have time for a full time responsible job anymore…I needed to support him. It was my way out. I knew there was more to life but I had no idea what that meant for ME so I followed his dreams.
Fast forward one year and traveling musician packed up and left. I had no marriage. I had no home (except for the one on wheels we lived in). I had a part time dead end job with little responsibility but not where I wanted to be long term. I was suddenly quite lost. So I began a faith journey.
Three years have passed and I have moved FOUR times. I have changed jobs THREE times. I still do not own my own home like I used to. I still do not make great money like before. Sometimes when I think about how much my life has changed and everything I have lost, I have temporary moments of bitterness towards my ex. I think to myself, “If I hadn’t met him I’d still have my pretty condo and I’d still have rockin’ benefits! Dangit.”
But then I remember…I wasn’t happy. AT ALL. God blessed me by taking everything away from me. I am grateful.
Today I can truly say I am happy. Today I am not doing what I think I am SUPPOSED to be doing to please others. Today I do what is best for me. Today I don’t make irrational decisions based out of fear. Today I don’t accept a job that I know in my gut is not where God wants me to be. Today I pray and I wait. And if I don’t get my answer I wait some more. Because God gives me what I need when I am supposed to have it…never sooner…never later…always right on time.
Today I am happy because I don’t work for some company. I work for God. I work on a farm. I do some writing. And I live life…I don’t just get through it. And if I end up at some company again one day…I will still work for God. Because no matter what I am doing the purpose of work is that His work is being done. And that is not work. That is freedom.
My prayer used to be simple, “God please just let everything be okay.” Today I don’t need to pray that prayer…I have faith it will be no matter what.
There IS more to life.
Blessings,
Stacey ~ iamalive