“If I am not actively creating something, chances are I am about to start actively destroying something.” Elizabeth Gilbert
I can tell when I have not written in a while. My life feels like it is falling apart. My anxiety is working triple time. I become cranky. Everyone and everything around me starts to annoy me. I start having negative thoughts about every single person in my life, including myself. Can I just pack up and move to that island with no people now? I don’t want to deal with anyone or anything.
And that is when it hits me. I am destroying everything around me because I am not creating. Time to snap out of it. Time to write.
Hello December!
I took the above picture this afternoon. I don’t take too many selfies. I am not against selfies at all. I know some people never post them because they do not want to be seen as narcissistic. Others just plain don’t like their appearance or deal with insecurity. It is a touchy subject for different reasons. Other people are attention seekers. They have an army of perfect pictures ready to post at just the right time in order to get as many “likes” as they can in order to feel good about themselves. But then there are the selfies that people post in moments of extreme joy or happiness. It is capturing a moment in a picture and being confident enough to share it with the world. That is when I tend to post a selfie. Yes, writer, introverted types can be a bit narcissistic but in a more passive way. I don’t like being the center of attention AT ALL. But I have a desire to share when God is working his goodness through me. There is a difference.
I have been away for several days because honestly I have just been too tired and stressed out to sit at the computer and type. I didn’t feel like I had anything positive to share because my mind has been in a negative place. Work stinks. Winter is coming and I don’t handle cold weather very well. I had some bad news about my medical insurance. I have been eating a lot of junk and not exercising. I have about 5 projects started that I can’t seem to complete including decorating my Christmas tree. I have been down about several other personal things. I need to address Christmas cards, clean my apartment, plan my dads 80th birthday party, work on my book, read a stack of books that I WANT to read but don’t feel like I have time. Study my Bible. My to-do list is never ending. But the more I think about it, the more I know I should be writing here during those difficult stretches when I feel out of control. I need structure. I need focus. I somehow managed to blog every single day in October and that was a stressful month. (It is amazing what we can do when we set a goal and really put forth the effort.) But I have become lazy. I’ve let the devil attack and hold me down. I am letting down God in the process. He is counting on me and I am failing to put out good into the universe. Instead I am contributing to negative forces, which we surely do not need more of!
So I made a decision last night. I was going to wake up early this morning and WRITE. I was going to write a couple of blog posts and start editing my monsterpiece project I have been working on for about a year now. It is not going to write itself is it? Did I do any of that? Heck no. I piddled around my apartment for a few hours after I got up then I took a shower and went to the MALL. ON SATURDAY. IN DECEMBER. How is going to the crowded mall going to accomplish my writing deadlines??? Well, it didn’t. It just made me more stressed out and anxious. I ran some other errands after I left there and came home exhausted and took a nap. When I woke up I was mad at myself for wasting my day. I decided to drive to the river and watch the sunset to clear my head. It was an amazing sunset indeed and I was reminded of God’s beauty. All of my running around and worrying and not accomplishing much of anything doesn’t mean anything! I’ve been way too hard on myself lately. I forgot that God is for me, not against me.
I love the lyrics to this song. Listen to it would ya? It pretty much sums it all up for me. You are LOVED no matter how you feel. Just look up, know you are loved. And knowing that brings me joy! All is ok. Everything on my to-do list will get done when it gets done. Refocusing on what’s important is the main thing. Camera out. Say cheese! 1, 2, 3, …Selfie away!
Now go put something good into the universe! GOD HAS GOT THIS!
Blessings,
Stacey ~ iamalive